This post may be long, so i will give a short version and give more details as the post gets more replies.
So TL;DR I (17F) met a guy (for the sake of protection will call him JJ) (17M) in October, and we were heading towards pursuing a relationship (even being intimate together) and it turned out the entire time he was pursuing someone else and they are together. We stopped talking in the end of December. The entire time i was “the other woman” and it’s been extremely hard on my mental health recently. I’ve had a hard time going to sleep, eating, and feeling like myself.
Firstly, this is a hard post to make. i feel like i need advice, because this situation has put me in an extremely rough place emotionally.
I know i’m young and this post may not be viewed as important but i would love some insight from my fellow redditors. I(17F) got out of an almost 2 year relationship prior to this. It was super damaging for me emotionally, but as time passed i had hope for another relationship/ person. I had been single up until meeting this new guy. For the sake of this story we’re gonna call him JJ. JJ (17M) contacted me via instagram at the very start of October. We were having a brief conversation about hair growth because i was in the beginning of my journey. In some way he realized he was attracted to me and asked me if we could talk more to possibly look towards being in a relationship. I was initially very hesitant at first, because i wasn’t initially attracted to him but his personality and conversation made me interested.
I was also very scared to get my heart involved into another relationship, but i decided to let my anxiety not take the wheel for once. We began to talk consistently, and even as far as to seeing each other more in person. We would have deep conversations, but looking back at it i realize he was giving me enough to not get invested. We talked about our future plans, and insecurities. It meant a lot to me at the time. Soon after this we had a very intimate moment, and it was special to me, and he claimed it was special to him. A few days after this i notice him becoming very distant, and not communicating well with me (disappearing for hours with no heads up/ not saying where he was). Initially i wasn’t trying to make it a huge deal, but when i saw he’d done it again i got upset. i communicated that it bothered me that he had not said anything and just disappeared on me. Out of frustration ( i guess?) He says me and him are over and that he’s not the one for me. This seemingly coming out of nowhere, my first instinct is to talk things out over the phone. I call him, and i’m begging for us to just fix things instead of throwing them away (especially after having such an intimate moment together). He complained i was “too attached” for the amount of time we were talking, and had more frustrations. But he would not budge, so i gave up and we parted ways and i blocked him on every platform to get over the situation.
Towards the end of October i unblock him to send a closure text for myself, and i reblock him. a few days later i unblock him because i felt as if i had enough self control to move on, as my feelings had settled and i had to reason to have him blocked anymore. On the first friday of November he text me, asking me how i was doing, and sends me a long apology about how sorry he was for things ending how he did that night. He said he regretted things deeply, and hoped that we could talk again. He said he feels like i made him have a positive outlook on life, and that’s something he missed. I don’t fully decline us talking but say he can work up there to get my trust.
From that day on we begin to talk consistently again, and he’s putting in the effort better and communicating better. We see each other again, and afterwards we end up having sex. This was very special to me, and he claimed to me that it was special for him as well. But afterwards i couldn’t get the words out of my head of what he said the first time we were “together.” Him complaining that i was too attached prior to bothered me very deeply, to the point i told him i feel like we should separate because i don’t want a restart of what happened if you feel as if i am too attached. initially he was more towards he still wanted to talk to me, and be friends atleast because i am “such a cool person, and that he has love for me” but we both decided to talk further down the line until we both had ourselves together.
I end up getting a new number 12 days after we end things, and i text him to let him know he can text me on my new number, this time around he is moving extremely weird. it’s like the guy i knew before was completely changed. so i communicate how that frustrated me, and he went off on me. afterwards, i apologize (even though it wasn’t my fault whatsoever) and i never hear back from him. This frustrated me even more, because i felt like he had no reason to treat me that way simply because i told him how i felt. So i did the emotional teenage thing, and cursed him out and blocked him. For a few days i thought i was okay, but then i end up unblocking him and soon after he sends me a paragraph apology. I respond 3 days later, and we talk things out over the phone. But in this call i feel like he was finding reasons to justify his actions, that he never communicated.
Fast forward to New Years night, i get a strong feeling to check his instagram story. Come to discover, he had a girlfriend the entire time and i was the “other woman.” In indescribable ways this shattered my heart. Not only for myself but the girlfriend. I text her with receipts and proof about the situation, and i sent them both a farewell and have been blocked by him, but not her. Here’s where my frustration lays, i was played so badly after showing such a vulnerable side of myself, i was antagonized, and i had my choice taken away. I feel like a part of myself was taken away from me, as corny as it sounds. I am mourning the young woman i was prior to this. i feel like he took away my dignity, and my last bit of self. He gets the last laugh, and he wins. JJ and the girlfriend are probably still together, so in the end of it all he still wins. This has impacted me mentally, because i have not been able to eat, sleep, or even think straight. i have gone from 110 pounds to nearly 80 pounds since this happened, and i can’t even look at myself in the mirror because i feel disgusted. i feel like i got every last bit of myself stripped away from me. I’ve even been contemplating ending things, and i know many may not think it’s that serious. But i trusted someone and i was betrayed in a way people won’t understand unless they are me. It hurts so bad, and i feel like the only one whose life is on pause. I wish i could go back in time and be the girl i was before this.
Every time i look at myself in the mirror i feel so disgusted with myself. I went from 110 pounds to 80 pounds in the past few days. I feel like my choice was taken away because everything was built on a lie, an in the end i’m the one that lost. He wins, because he doesn’t care about me, he gets the last laugh, and he got what he wanted. I feel like i’m mourning the girl i was prior to, and i can’t see myself the same. Feeling discardable in that way, made me feel less than human.
I have cried so much, watched all the tv you can think of, put my phone down, tried to sleep it all away. My mom has been calling me everyday to check on me, but i don’t have the will to even speak. it’s really hard to show my face without feeling an immense embarrassment or pain. I’ve even thought about ending things, because i can’t even bare to get up constantly think about it. I feel horrible, and i don’t know if can ever get control of my life back.