TLDR: we have had multiple MFM threesomes that made me uncomfortable at first, but I ended up enjoying it in the end. Partner wants it to happen more and more frequently and I no longer want to do it. He gets very angry/upset with me if I don’t want to and rubs it in my face that I “get to have all the fun”.
My partner and I have been living together for over two years. There is no history of cheating on either side. When we first started dating, him and I discussed swinging/sharing. I am not against it and agreed to it. We have had multiple MFM threesomes. He has initiated each instance.
Each instance is uncomfortable for me at first, but I warm up to it after a bit and I continue because I know how much he enjoys it and watching him enjoy it turns me on. Afterwards we go home and have the best sex and honestly, our relationship feels stronger for a bit.
Recently, he’s been pushing very hard for this to be a regular thing. I might be fine with it and enjoyed it myself, but I don’t want it to be a regular thing. He is now getting upset with me to the fullest extent when I don’t snap into what I call “pornstar mode” at the mention of doing it again.
When I tell him no, he gets visibly angry. He will tell me how boring I am in the bedroom and that I “need to watch more porn and learn a thing or two”. He seemed perfectly happy with our sex life before our initial threesome. We did it because it seemed fun and it was a bucket list item for him.
I am perfectly happy with being monogamous. I haven’t once initiated a single encounter we’ve had. That seems to be an issue with him. He wants me to be more proactive, but I am uncomfortable at this point.
I told him I don’t want to do it anymore. I feel pressured each time because of how upset he gets with me if I even hint that I’m uncomfortable or don’t want to do it.
I regret ever agreeing to anything in the first place. I told him if he wants to have sex with other women, I am fine with it, but I don’t want to have sex with other men anymore.
This turned into a huge argument. We have had multiple huge arguments each time I have said no. He will continue arguing for days until I give in. I feel like I’m being coerced. I just want to have an adult conversation about it, but he gets upset every time and throws it in my face that we’ve only had MFM threesomes and that I’m the only one who “gets to have all the fun”. I insist he finds another woman to hookup with, but neither him nor I have had any luck in finding another woman for him. Honestly, women aren’t exactly lining up to have random sex with strange men the same way men line up to have sex with strange women.
Is he attempting to pimp me out for his own fantasies? I honestly feel like this is what’s happening. I’m feeling like a sex worker with no income to show for it.
How would you react in this situation?
How can I spice things up in the bedroom so I’m not so boring anymore without the need for another man being involved? I have insisted on him hooking up with other women and have even tried to find women for him. I’m not against swinging/sharing, but he has taken it to a whole new level over the past few weeks.
Is this just the consequence that I’ve read about when other men have pressured their partners into similar situations and they realize their women are more sought after than themselves?
I am hurt and confused and feel downright dirty (and not in a good way).
Edit to add as per comment suggestions: the most recent argument that we are still going through started because he was aroused two days ago, but sore from the night before so sex was a no-go. I rolled over to go to sleep and as I was dozing off, he rolled over and asked me “what would you do if you woke up in the middle of the night and he was on top of you?” I turned to him and said “I can’t believe you just asked me that” and made it clear to him that his question was very upsetting for me as a multiple time SA victim. He apologized but then within the next few minutes, he went on a rant about how uncomfortable his blue balls were and how I was overreacting because “it was just a stupid question because I’m horny”.