Along with advice, I am asking for just a bit of kindness and understanding please. I understand that asking for kindness on Reddit on a topic like this is like asking for a miracle, but I have beaten myself up about this for so long now and just need some advice.
I(28F) have been married to my husband(29M) for two years now. We have been together a total of five years, and he is absolutely the best person I have ever met. He is sweet, loving, kind, and gracious. He has literally given strangers the jacket off of his back and when I think of the rest of my life, I can only envision him by my side… Which is why this has been eating at me for months now.
About two months ago, I started having these sexual but "innocent" thoughts about other women. Things like wondering what it would be like to kiss or hold another woman. Initially, I just threw those thoughts out because they did not make any sense, considering I had not had those thoughts before or had ever been previously attracted to another woman.
However, as time has gone on, those thoughts have been becoming increasingly sexual, and it is all I think about now. I even dream about being intimate with another woman. There is never a specific woman in these thoughts/dreams. There is not a specific woman in my life that I think about in this way or have any attraction towards, but these thoughts are just happening and they are consuming me. I feel like an absolute piece of shit, and it is eating away at me because I know for a fact that I would never betray my marriage, but in my mind, having these thoughts is betrayal enough. I know for a fact that if I knew that my husband had these thoughts that I would be crushed, and I know this would hurt him, which is why I am unable to bring this up to him. Please, if anyone has any advice on what I can do to either stop these thoughts from happening or any advice on how to talk to my husband about it, I would really appreciate it.