How to find smarter ladies?

13 comments

1. Just date someone else with Asperger’s

2. Isn’t IQ and outdated and debunked way to measure intelligence? And I guess you won’t be able to tell off the apps until you meet them and have conversations with them

3. What kind of intelligence? Someone could be very emotionally smart but not very knowledgeable about world events and politics, or vice Versa, someone could know everything and be able to teach you and talk to you about math and science and politics all day but have no emotional intelligence and having any discussions about feelings and ideas and life paths will be very difficult. It’s very rare that someone is just all around dumb.

4. You’re 21! Intelligence doesn’t kick in until after 30 at least. Just chill and enjoy your dates. Get serious when you’re about to hit 30.

5. It sounds like you want to connect with someone who understands you and can appreciate and match the way you think. Being neurodivergent does add an extra layer to dating, but I would encourage you to remain open minded about what you’re looking for. IQ is only one measure of intelligence. If I were you, I’d focus on meeting people who share similar interests that could lead to fun conversations about history, STEM, language, culture, politics—or whatever interests you. This is something that could create a stimulating connection for you, where you can each learn from each other.

   Try adding your intellectual/academic interests to your dating profile (if you haven’t already) and just trust that even if someone isn’t as “smart” as you, they may be curious to learn, and even teach you something you didn’t know. If you’re in college, you can join school clubs (I was in Anthropology Club) or if you’re not, join a trivia team, or look for local events that interest you. Start with meeting people with shared interests, and go from there.

6. I dont think you need someone with a higher IQ but instead a direct communicational style. Someone who isnt going to be indirect and more mature about their feelings. Typically, introverted and college grads women fit that. So visit more libraries, museums, and clubs with hobbies like book club.

   You more likely to meet serious women there

7. It’s not really “intelligence” that’s missing. Most people are intelligent, they just allocate their cognitive effort differently. When someone prioritizes domains that aren’t yours, it can look like low intelligence when it’s actually a mismatch in focus.

   Your thinking style is systems oriented. Processes, patterns, abstractions, big-picture models. That’s common for people on the autism spectrum. You compress complexity quickly and operate at a higher level of abstraction than most.

   The problem is that many people, especially in social and dating contexts, optimize for an entirely different domain: status, hierarchy, social signaling, and positioning. A lot of mental energy goes into navigating those dynamics rather than building internal models or systems.

   That mismatch creates friction. Not because one side is “smarter,” but because the currencies are different.

   In dating, this matters. Many women are more responsive to men who demonstrate strength in social hierarchy navigation than to men who demonstrate systems intelligence. If you don’t naturally play that game, or don’t value it, you’ll often feel out of sync.

   That doesn’t mean you’re defective or doomed. It means your pool is narrower. You’ll do far better with someone who also values depth, structure, and internal coherence over status games and social theater.

   Trying to force compatibility with people optimized for a different operating system is what creates frustration.

8. Good luck with that. Unfortunately, Intelligence is extremely scarce within the dating market. While more individuals are college-educated than ever before, I.Q. has steadily been decreasing since 2020. A person can do many things in a general sense to become smarter – such as becoming Socially, academically, and emotionally more intelligent. Contradictory to popular belief, intellect is linked to a person’s genetics. It is no coincidence that my father was extremely good in English/Mathematics and these traits both carried over to me.

   The more intelligent a person is, the more likely s/he will remain single. I can most definitely attest to your frustration within dating and have mostly given up. People whom I developed the best friendships with are those who possess the condition you have. If a romantic relationship were to happen, it’ll be with someone who have similar characteristics.

9. Asperger doen’t mean you have a high IQ. Get down from your issuory pedestal and you will find real women

10. I’mma be real with you chief, you are unlikely to find a unicorn that ALSO has Asperger’s or that has a mind that reacts in the same way that you do. This will be an excellent chance for you to hone your people skills.

    That said here is a tool for you that will make your life so, so, SOOOO, much easier. Whenever your significant otter starts to complain, ask them if they are VENTING, or if they want SOLUTIONS.

    95% of the time they want to vent. They just want someone to be on their side (even if they are objectively wrong).

    TL;DR, This is a YOU problem and should be treated like a challenge to be overcome and mastered.

11. Enter a high IQ society to meet like-minded people. Like Mensa or Intertel.

12. If possible go to university and make the most of a special interest, you might find her there competing for the same phd position, good luck

13. Maybe you just phrased this post weird, but you honestly just sound egotistical. You’re 21. You can find deeply fulfilling relationships with people different from you. Yes, it’s nice to have a partner you can engage with and who can match you in conversations, but it’s not all about intellect.