My girlfriend has always been into pole dancing which is quite intertwined with the sex work industry. She has told me that she would never strip, with the exception of dance performances (although, she hasn’t stripped in any yet). This is something I have learned to be comfortable with because although I don’t really love it I know she does and at the end of the day it doesn’t affect me so I don’t care anymore.
However, recently she has gotten into the thought of becoming a stripper on the side. We are both in college and her only motivation is money, since it could really benefit her. While this is a lot of money that we could definitely use, even for me (I don’t expect anything but she is fairly generous.) – I still don’t know how to feel. We also aren’t poor by any means so it’s not like this is a necessity (of course, we could definitely use the money).
I have full trust in her that she views it as a job first, separating it from the act, as well as she (intends) to be as safe/smart as possible. We are both very progressive people so I also feel like while I have every right to say this is crossing a boundary for me, I have no right to tell her what she can and cannot do with her life. She has said that if she does strip, any reasonable boundaries I want around it she is open to doing – whatever makes it work.
Despite me trusting her intentions, I still just can’t get over the actual act of stripping (specifically, private dances) and essentially selling your body to strangers. I know it’s kind of an imaginary and if anything conservative discomfort, but I just don’t want her to do it. I think the existence of the sex work industry is a good thing but I still can’t understand seeing no issue with the actual work itself. While she can understand my side and does sympathise, she simply does not see any issue in herself with stripping and says her only hesitance is because of me. Additionally, I am worried about problems with the work environment but this is my #1 concern at the moment.
I feel extremely trapped – I do want to make this work and not just break up. But it feels like if I want to remain with her, I need to either outright deny her of doing this, or, allow it and learn to grow comfortable with it, which I am not sure I can do. I want to be there for her, but my stomach churns at the thought of her doing it and I don’t want to just lie to myself and/or be miserable either.
I suppose I am asking for any advice for people who have dated strippers on the practical specifics of it (ie: work hours, lifestyle, how they might change, etc.) and for advice on my personal dilemma/how to actually make up my mind. I am very conflicted and right now I am thinking that I should just allow it and see what happens, but I don’t know what the repercussions may be. What is the best way to go about this situation in a way that hurts both of us the least?
edit: formatting