TLDR; Boyfriend is flirting/comforting/calling his ex the same pet names as he calls me. How do I talk to him about it? New to relationships.
As the title says, I (18M) think my bf (19M) might be cheating on me.
We've been dating for almost a year, I'd say. He is my first proper boyfriend. I'm really new to navigating romantic relationships. I know communication is important, I just don't know how to talk to him about this… I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say.
We live in two different countries (NZ and Aussie) and I came up to visit him for a few weeks. It cost me a lot of money but I feel in love with him so it was worth it. I have a decent job (part time because uni), so I saved and gave up a lot of items/social outings to put money towards the trip.
We both have eachothers phone passwords. I wasn't intentionally snooping or anything when I found this out… I was scrolling on his Instagram when I noticed he had a notification. I clicked on it and under that notification, I saw that he sent 'I love you' to someone. I had asked him about this person on insta before; he said it was a friend at first but wouldn't elaborate… then said it was his ex.
I trust him… I still do trust him, I think. Being friends with exes isn't inherently bad or anything. It's just, I scrolled up a little and he's been calling this person the same pet names as he calls me… talking about how he missed them and comforting them when they were sad and saying sexual things to them.
I want to think maybe he's doing that because his ex is still reliant on him (he did once tell me about an ex he keeps in contact with because they're depressed and threatened to off themselves if he stopped talking to them… I'm not sure if that's this person).
All I know is that the messages made me feel uncomfortable and like I'm not special to him.
He has a bit of a temper so I'm wondering how I should go about bringing it up? I'm autistic so I'd appreciate specific advice… a step-by-step process. I just need instructions to follow because right now I have no plan or idea of how I'm supposed to talk about this.
I don't want to start an argument with him because my flight back to NZ is still in a week. Should I wait until I go home? I don't know if I could do that…
I wanted my first time to be with someone I love, and he took that. Now I'm thinking he doesn't even love me and I gave him an important part of myself that I can't get back now.
My feelings are a bit all over the place, I'm sorry. I just hope I can get some help here.