My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months and overall things have been really good. He’s genuinely a great guy. Because of work circumstances, we were basically living together from the very beginning and were around each other 24/7 (that’s how we met). Recently though, he started school and we had to switch to a long-distance relationship.
Honestly, the transition has been rough. The distance has made my anxious attachment and fear of abandonment flare up badly. Because of that, I feel like I’ve been texting him a lot. We always texted a lot before, but now that he’s busy, it feels way more noticeable.
I’m new to dating and genuinely don’t know what’s ‘too much,’ but to give an idea: we usually have a conversation every couple of hours, sometimes once an hour. Rarely do several hours go by without talking. Sometimes he initiates, but when he does, I tend to ramble (that’s just how I am, in person too). He’s much more reserved. Most of the time I initiate by sending memes, videos, pictures of what I’m doing, or random texts.
I really like feeling like he’s involved in my life, but I’ll be honest, it’s also about reassurance, and calming my anxiety. He responds quickly and engages, but I sometimes worry that I’m overwhelming him and that he’s replying more to keep me happy than because he actually wants to. That thought honestly hurts. I don’t want him to do things out of obligation or end up burned out or resentful.
My friends tell me that if I were annoying him, he’d say something and that it’s his responsibility to communicate his boundaries. I get that logically, but I also think he might be a people-pleaser like me. And let’s be real, this amount of communication doesn’t feel super healthy. I see people say they only text their SO in the morning and at night, which makes me feel even more insecure.
I think part of the problem is that we went from having constant access to each other to suddenly being far apart. I also struggle with anxiety about him leaving or cheating, even though he’s never given me any reason to think that. Texting gives me reassurance, which I know isn’t ideal and is something I need to work on.
So my question is, am I overthinking this, or am I genuinely texting him too much? And if so, how do I handle this without making my anxiety worse or pushing him away?