My fiancé (35F) and I (35M) have been together 17 years. We were young when we met, grew up together, built a home, had two kids, and have been through a lot. Intimacy has always been difficult for us, and sex has been infrequent for years.
Recently, after a long emotional conversation, she told me she doesn’t think she loves me in the same way I love her. She also said she doesn’t feel much sexual attraction toward men anymore and could imagine living without sex completely. She has dated women in the past, so this wasn’t impossible to hear, but it still hit me hard.
We talked honestly for the first time in a long time — about lost connection, the stress of parenting, past hurt, and whether we avoided problems for too long. Despite everything, we still act like a couple: we kiss goodnight, plan family things, talk about the future, and she wears her ring. But physical intimacy is gone.
We agreed to try, but we don’t know what “trying” should look like.
Here are the things I’m trying to figure out — all yes/no questions:
Can a long-term relationship survive without sex if one partner still wants it?
Can I realistically be happy long-term without physical intimacy?
Can she realistically be happy long-term without physical intimacy with me?
Are we currently staying together mostly out of fear of change?
Is it possible we are delaying a breakup by avoiding hard decisions?
Is it still possible for us to rebuild if we both commit to trying?
Should we start couples therapy to figure this out?
Is her sexual orientation likely contributing to our intimacy issues?
Is it healthy for either of us to continue if emotional intimacy is the only intimacy we have?
TL;DR: Together 17 years. She says her feelings have changed and she may no longer feel sexual attraction toward men. We love each other but intimacy is gone. Trying to figure out if staying together is realistic.