I’m looking for advice on a boundary issue in my relationship.
I’m 40, divorced two years ago, and share 50/50 custody of my five-year-old son. After the divorce, my ex cut off her entire family and refuses to speak to them (there was an affair with her therapist involved).
Because of that, I’ve become the only connection between my son and his grandparents, cousins, aunt, and uncle on his mom’s side. A few times a year they either visit us or I take my son to see them. While it’s not always easy, I believe maintaining those relationships is important for my son.
I’ve been dating my girlfriend (40F) for almost a year. The relationship has been healthy overall, and we’ve talked about possibly living together in the future. She doesn’t have children.
Over the holidays, my son’s grandparents asked to visit and bring his cousin, and asked if they could stay at my house. I have multiple extra bedrooms. My girlfriend is uncomfortable with my ex’s family being involved in my life and asked that I request they stay in a hotel instead, which she framed as a compromise.
I struggled with that request. Asking them to stay in a hotel felt unkind to me, especially since the visit is centered on my child and I have the space. We had a significant argument over this, and I’m now trying to understand how to navigate situations like this going forward.
I’m not looking for judgment about who’s right or wrong. I’m hoping for perspective on how others balance a partner’s comfort with maintaining family connections that exist primarily for a child’s well-being, and how to communicate those boundaries without resentment building on either side.
Is this something that can be overcome?
Edit: Thank you to everyone that has constructively commented. I really appreciate your insight and perspective. Since there's been some…noise…about the therapist/parental estrangement…I just included that to provide context that the marriage ended in a rather strange way, which involved abuse by a provider (at least abuse in the it's illegal in every state for a mental health provider to enter into a relationship like that with their patient…which was a direct contributor to my ex not having anything to do with her family…she also cut off all contact with the majority of her friends as well).