For context, i decided to stop viewing porn and masturbating a few months ago, as i wanted to improve my sex life with my wife.
In terms of how i feel, i've never felt better. I'm horny all the time, sex itself feels better, and im more attracted to my wife than ever before.
Unfortunately, this has highlighted the difference in libido between me and my partner. I would have sex every day if i could, but my partner only seems to be interested roughly once a month.
The sex when we do have it is good, so i dont think that itself is the issue. I love pleasing my partner, and i like to think im a very generous lover, i always put her pleasure first, and we do plenty of foreplay. If anything, i've told her she needs to be a bit more selfish, as i'd happily please her even if it meant i get nothing in return. Its not about the release for me, but more about the intimacy of sex.
I've tried subtly asking her what i do/can do that gets her in the mood, but her answers have always been along the lines of "i only really get horny like once a week". I've tried building up the tension during the day, like gentle kisses, cuddles, subtle hints about how sexy she is and how much i fancy her, but it only really feels like we have sex when this "once a month" horny moment strikes her. Date nights or cute days out don't really seem to do much in terms of leading to intimacy.
I dont think attraction is the issue either, as i'm in pretty good shape due to weightlifting for 10+ years, so its not like i've let myself go. I practically worship her, she's always been a bit insecure in her body, but i've always made it my mission to make her feel like a goddess.
We are madly in love with each other, but it just seems like libido wise we are on different planets. Part of me is now wondering if i masturbated as a crutch to match this difference in libido.
The hard part for me, is that i dont want to flat out ask her for more sex, as the last thing i'd want is for sex as a sense of duty, i want her to want it. The few times i've been a bit more direct, I've always got the same answer "i really fancy you, and i love having sex with you, i just dont get the urge as often as you do".
The rest of our relationship is amazing, 10 years in and we are constantly laughing, kissing and cuddling. But the constant soft rejections are really starting to get to me. I feel really guilty, as apart from this our relationship is perfect.
So my question is, where do i go from here? Do i sit her down and be direct, telling her the lack of sex or sexual intimacy is starting to get to me? Do i start masturbating again? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.