my partner (21M) and I (20F) have been dating for ~5 months and overall it’s been great: he’s a fun guy who i have grown to like a lot, we have a very nice connection and are exclusive to each other.
our disagreements usually stem from small things that are either misunderstandings or lack of communication on his end mostly, and sometimes my way of speaking can be a bit tough. today we were on the phone as usual talking about our days and telling each other what we did and everything was going smoothly on my end until he said something along the lines of “hey you sometimes can be hurtful with your words, and i’m wondering if it’s your way of speaking or if it’s something directed at me” so i apologized and asked what was it that i said that hurt him so that i am more aware of the wording of my speech, yet he replied saying “sometimes i just want to say something without it becoming a conversation, just a comment so that you can take it or leave it” so i was honestly confused since i was asking for more specifics in order to be more aware. i decided to apologize either way and told him that i do recognize i can be a bit harsh with my wording, but i genuinely don’t realize unless someone points it out to me since it’s the normal way of speaking within my family circle (my mother, father, and older brother can be a bit harsh too, but since im so used to it i recognize i can be that way too) yet he insisted on not making it any bigger. and so i did, i continued on asking him about his day and his plans for later, but he became more distant and was evidently not feeling well, so i told him that if there was anything i could do, he could feel free to tell me and id do my best so that our relationship remains in good terms, and he insisted everything was fine.
we continued on having a conversation with his friends (who were at his house at the moment) and everything was good until out of nowhere he said his goodbyes, i said goodbye back ”love u!” and hung up. he then proceeded to call me back and ask why i was being harsh with him and asking if everything was okay, i told him that on my end i was good, and asked him how he felt to which he replied that he felt like sometimes i could be harsh with my words, so i asked him once again if he could elaborate on which things i said so that i could be conscious of my wording, so he told me once again that he did not wish to elaborate since i should be able to tell. the conversation ended pretty quickly after that with me apologizing for being mean, yet i genuinely don’t know how to notice if im being mean or hurftul
how can i fix this? i’m totally aware that i am in the wrong here, and that i can be mean. for that reason, i wish to fix it but am unable to notice my flaws
TL;DR, i don’t know how to notice if im being mean when speaking to other people, yet my partner expects me to notice it and wishes to not elaborate when i ask him to point it out to me