We’ve been married for 8 years and we both are generally calm and work things out well together. I come from a bit of an abusive background so it’s been harder for me, but I feel like I’m doing pretty well with therapy and self reflection.
I’m the type of person that needs space to sort through feelings after a cordial disagreement. If we bicker about something and I feel myself getting heated, I have to walk away to a quiet room before I explode. I’m able to recognize this and I’ve always told my husband that I need this space as well. He always said he understands but only understands when he discuss this calmly outside of an argument.
December was pretty stressful for us and our kids also have been giving us some trouble. We were out working in the garage on a project last night and something wasn’t working out the way we had planned. I told my husband that we should probably reset and try again tomorrow. He argued that it needed done right this second and there was no plausible way that we could wait until tomorrow. We went back and forth a bit and I started feeling heated so I respectfully told him I needed some space and went inside. He followed me in immediately and started arguing with me. I got more defensive and eventually screamed “LEAVE ME ALONE!!!” I didn’t want to get to this point but it just happens when I’m cornered after asking for space.
Something similar happened again this morning. We were bickering and he rolled his eyes at something I genuinely needed from him. I walked away and went upstairs to get ready for the day and to cool down. I locked the bedroom door. He follows a minute later and unlocks it. I close it and calmly say “I need space. Please do not come in here.” He says “I need to get ready!!” as he unlocks it again. I then slam it shut and lock it and scream “I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!” I finished getting ready and left him home with the kids while I run errands alone. He is now upset with me.
Where do we go from here? How do I get him to respect my boundary? He feels I’m being unreasonable and irrational. I feel like I’m trying my best to stay calm and using resources to not blow up. I genuinely feel like I cannot control the yelling when I am cornered and those boundaries are broken.