I have said I can’t do it anymore and he has said he will move out over the next couple of months.
The relationship has been going downhill for a long time. I 37 (F) and him 49 (M) been together about 13 years , 10 yrs married 2 kids.
He told me he doesn’t love me anymore about a year ago… i was devastated but it took me a long time to accept this and I’ve finally accepted perhaps I don’t love him anymore either also I’m not in the business of begging to be loved so i was never going to grovel.
I am having a panic as we live in a very expensive area – i work full time, have a good income but the commute is shit, long and expensive. The schools are really great in the area n- kids have an established life. We rent.
I don’t know what to do – I’m panicking because I can’t afford anything on my own. Im not from the UK so have no friends or family support. He does as he in British his family are about 1hr away.
Background:
I was a SAHM for about 6 years- until kids started school. We’ve always rented despite me begging for us to buy- he has no interest in doing that.
I was also very depressed for most of the SAHM years – I gave up a lot to facilitate that- career , dreams etc. I got a part time job after he lashed out at me saying I was jealous of him working. I was simply expressing my depression/frustration at being a SAHM as it was just not a good time in my life. He had zero empathy as he thought “I would just get on with it” and we each have a role to play. He never called at any time during the day to ask how I was i just spent my days at home with two kids. We also had one car and he would take it despite having a 30mins commute – until I explained why I needed the car. I never heard the end of how horrible his commute was until he bought another car.
There is also the part of his family not liking me. We lived in another country and his job then was working away 2-weeks at a time and 2-weeks home. Before he took the job I explained I wouldn’t cope at this time I was pregnant and had a 1 yr old. I was very hard as we lived remote – and no family or friends to support. I had a mental breakdown saw a physiatrist and a psychotherapist – it was truly horrendous. Anyway years later he casually mentions that he took the job based on a spreadsheet formula and how much money he could earn. He had told me he had no choice he could lose his job if he didn’t accept – he found it quite amusing. Something in me broke.
There’s a lot more I could add. I’m just so worried I’m going to fail at life. I never wanted to be a single mother I don’t know what to do – I can’t afford to live in this area but i also don’t want to disrupt the kids lives anymore. We’ve been arguing and the kids have expressed how worried they are that we will divorce. So I want to maintain some level of normality in their lives -schools , friends, routine.
When I told him I cannot realistically afford it he said he managed to do it on a lower income (when we first moved here) so I should be able to. I reminded him he had no real commute and I was staying at home- he went silent.
I just after any advice on how to proceed – I’m currently looking at getting legal advice and how to make the transition good for the children.
TDLR: marriage ending – it’s been a horrific 10 years.