I thought my abusive marriage was getting better. The physical died down to verbal and once I was finally able to call out the verbal that had died down to leave the past two months. We’ve been together for 4 years.
My mother in law would visit and I had some clashes with her too where she would side with him or sometimes say or do things I would not like and I would respond .01% of what I would have liked to respond with. I would be very respectful to her otherwise and my family would be as well.
I was abroad visiting her once last January and I had fallen sick. I had asked for a Pakistani medicine and she brought out a zip loc with medicine that looked exactly like what I had taken from Pakistan to America the year before and I was wondering how we went through it. My other sis in law (husband’s brother’s wife) was sitting there and she asked if it’s from America and she said yes and I was so shocked that she would take something from my kitchen without asking me when it was from Pakistan itself. I did not care for the item but just the concept of her not asking permission. I asked her if these were the ones from my drawer and she said yes, I thought they were not being used so I brought them and I was so mad and said “no wonder – I had been wondering why so many are gone” never told her they were not American in the first place.
Anyway my husband was in the next room and when i confronted him, he yelled at me that she’s making me breakfast and I care about a two cent medicine- but he didn’t understand that it was never about the item for me- but only the concept and I was furious that he was yelling at me in my in laws house.
Anyway, we were having a constructive conversation yesterday and I shared my fear of not being able to buy a house for him because I know he wants his mom to live with us and I fear that will cause more issues. She would taunt me about cooking and cleaning in front of him too. And with his abuse I had lost trust of course. He assured me we would collectively set house rules that can’t be broken so I felt better but somehow the topic of me and the Pakistani medicine came up and he was trying to explain to me how I was wrong because he himself gave those medicines along with others to her to take back. I told him he should’ve told me that before or mentioned it and he said he didn’t feel the need to because it’s his house too and he wanted to give things to his mom.
He was telling me how he’s upset because i said what I said in front of his sis in law which implies that I don’t respect my mother in law and she can point that out in the future when I had respected them lots too.
I understood and even felt bad for calling her out on this medicine… but there have been several times he had talked rudely to my mom. When I started reminding him of those and going back to the concept he got upset. He told me while looking me in the eyes “I will sabotage anyone who comes after my mother. I will sabotage you!.” And in the moment I moved forward. We finished our conversation and hugged it out.
But today I can not get over him saying how he will sabotage me.
Thoughts? I know where I’m wrong but did I deserve that?