like I just didnt feel good enough today after coming back from a hobby sports that I picked up. I don';t mean just the sport, I just mean my self esteem somehow just went down the drain when I realize that my whole life I can't be proud of my life.
I literally came from home from the train and I look around and all these people look gorgeous and good looking and well dressed effortlessly, have seemingly great jobs, they all have partners or someone to go out with. I came back home alone and I always question my appearance and always feel I dont look good no matter what I do. My communication skills I'm ashame of even though I try to read more, and record myself in videos. I graduated college with bachelor but never use the degree and now 35 just buying and selling things online. anytime someone ask what I do I feel ashame to tell them in fear they will judge me.
I have a few friends from joining groups and putting myself out there but I wouldn't call them my best friend who ill call up at 3am and this is coming from someone who had no friends since covid.
I ran a marathon, I've traveled, but none of that means anything. I initiate a hobby group in the hopes to gather people together to become friends with but idk what to do with that because I don't see myself as a leader.
sorry I felt the need to vent and wanted to see if anyone else is like me. We all just want to feel included and loved for being ourselves but maybe I'm just not seeing it or want more of it.