I (29M) have known my wife (30F) for about 10 years. We dated for about 4 years, and married for almost 2. I have always known that people change in general, and in the course of marriage we will both change as we grow and mature. We both want kids, and that will 100% change us, too. As it stands now, I don't know if I would have gotten married knowing what I know now.
For context, she had a rough time when we changed cities, and she got a really awful job that essentially drove her into depression. During this time, I was maintaining the house, cooking, etc. all while we both worked. It was much harder on her, and I was thrilled when she finally got out of that position. I understand she needs time to heal fully, and she joined a new place that she is excited to work at, so I feel the process is well underway. She refused counseling or other ways to check on her mental health. It took two years to convince her to get her first routine physical in about 20 years, and she has never seen an OB. I'd really like to know from a clinical standpoint how her mental and physical health are doing after her ordeal.
Something that I had to grow from was a change in our sex lives. We suddenly went from several times a week to maybe once a month. That was hard for me since there wasn't any discussion beforehand, but my wife assured me once we did talk about it that she never felt pressured. It has continued to decrease. I have suggested couples counseling, scheduling, or just getting in better shape, but she wasn't interested in this either.
She has always gone by her middle name with friends, family, neighbors, etc., but recently wanted to go by her first name. She doesn't mind when people call her by middle name, but I accidentally introduced her as middle name at a wedding and she privately reminded me to introduce her by first name. I try to meet her preference, but sometimes I still forget.
She was never a heavy drinker, but she has essentially quit. It's the healthier choice, and I support it, but she has started complaining about events with friends or family that include alcoholic drinks. There are usually kids at these events, and nobody gets sloppy drunk, but that is her opinion. It's very different from how she used to be.
I guess the tl;dr is that she has changed her name, her interests, and other aspects more quickly than I was expecting, and I feel like I've changed relatively little in this time. I don't know what else to do, but I almost feel like I married a different person than I dated. Does this sort of thing happen often? Has anyone else been here before?