Are there any like marriage counseling or couple apps that have worked for anyone after a partner has gone as far as to almost meet up with other women outside of the relationship? I'm here fighting for my relationship with my husband and I'm telling him I want him and I'm trying to be here for us because he's telling me that he wants me and he f***** up and he feels bad in all of his stuff but we keep fighting because I'm still trying to get over the fact that he f****** did these things in the bed next to me talking to these women… Thing disgusting horrific things asking for disgusting horrific things because they're awful disgusting horrific things because and they were not ever asked of me things he could ask me to for or to do or whatever things I have vocalized that I enjoyed when it came to like kinky things and stuff like that like I did he decided to not even bother asking me at all ever he just decided to try and meet up with other women but it was too hard for him to do apparently or whatever the reason is….
Is there like an app or something counseling wise that could possibly be free or cheap costing for the two of us to like put on our phones to be able to rebuild trust between us because he thinks that I'm just going to dip out for some reason even though we're legally f****** bound together in marriage that he asked for and follow through on when I gave him plenty of outs… But I was too in love with him to see that he was not faithful in the first place so like he says he's in it and I'm still here fighting shutting down completely blowing up inside because I don't know if I'm fighting for anything at all….
So I'm just seeing if there's anything that would possibly help us regain that trust that I once thought we had but was basically non-existent from the beginning but I wanted now I want to be happy like I was when I was delusional and ignorant I want the trust that I thought I had and I want him to be able to believe that he can be that person who is capable of the trust and to trust me as well into thinking I'm not going to just f****** dip out like the rest of the world did on him cuz there's got to be something that can help us anything that is affordable and like an app on the phone or something because I don't have insurance right now so I can't just go see a doctor or a therapist and we both have borderline personality disorder so we just tear each other apart when we're fighting cuz once he gets to a certain point he just pushes me to him the same point and then I'm just literally repeating myself asking for him to stop so I can calm down we can have a conversation but he just won't and I don't even think I'm speaking English anymore so there's there's got to be something to help us cuz we did not fight until I found the s*** on his phone but maybe that was a problem in itself cuz he always said that I had access to his phone to go and look through it to see if there was anything there and there was The whole time because he didn't delete everything cuz I don't know if he wanted me to find it or if he wanted to give me a reason to leave but I didn't leave and now he's fighting with himself because he still thinks I'm going to leave but I'm not I'm still here still fighting for us and it's like he wants me to leave but he can't tell me he wants me to leave but I also believe that he doesn't want me to leave and he does care about me and he does love me just as much as I love him so I just didn't know if there was anything that could possibly help us