My husband and I have been together since we were 23. Got married at 27 and now have to daughters who are 4 and 5. Our relationship was a bit rocky in the beginning but by our late 20s everything was wonderful. I truly thought we had the best partnership. When we had our first baby is when things went south. He started sleeping all the time and getting angry. I thought it was just a phase because this age is usually hard on couples. I tried so hard to help him and work on his anger with him. We even moved for him because he said he wasn't happy living where we were living and if he could move somewhere else he'd be so much happier.
We had our kids pretty close together so when we had our second, we were settled in our new place with both of our kids and his anger started getting scarier. He'd tell me how disrespectful I am all the time and told me that my attitude triggers him. I worked so hard to fix that, to be more pleasant, spent years and tons of money on counseling for myself, reading books, turning to faith etc. However, that didn't work and he'd still have explosive episodes of anger. His anger was starting to scare me more and more so I packed all my stuff and had things ready to go and told myself that if he scared me one more time, I'm leaving with the kids.
Well that happened. He went on another rage, chased me through the house, flipped over our bed, and it still scares me thinking what might of happened if I didn't run to the front porch where all of our neighbors could see.
Well I left, he stayed in a hotel, and I moved back in to the house, only for him to come back a week later. I really didn't want him too but I had no other choice since I manage the finances and I couldn't afford for him to be staying at a hotel anymore (we both work BTW).
That was 2 years ago. Since then everything actually has been pretty great up until a month ago. It was the first time I really felt I've let my guard down in years and I thought we can finally move forward. In November, I thought we are actually able to start a new chapter and I've never felt more relaxed since having kids. Then December hit and out of no where he started in on how I've been saying comments that hurt his feelings, and that my attitude sucks, and for days he just kept making passive aggressive comments about how rude I've been to him. I tried apologizing but then the next day he'd say I was rude again until one day I told I didn't need his help with anything and he exploded.
Since then he's been yelling, saying passive aggressive comments to me, raging out on random days. I feel like I've cried more this month than I have in a long time.
I'm starting to feel like divorce is the only option to have peace, but when I think about it, we are actually compatible in so many ways. We have the same goals, outlook on life, work hard, etc. We've both been crying for the last few days. Me because I'm devastated that this is my life and him, well, because he says he's a failure and hates how he hurts me. He says next week he is going to go to the doctor and get antidepressants.
For me, the thought is nice, but I seriously feel like I can't take another day of this emotional turmoil. But then I think, what if the meds work? What if I give up and ruin my family and everything just to have it be depression or ADHD or something? What do I do? Should I start the separation process for my own peace or sacrifice my peace for a little bit to see if the meds really do work? I want to help and be there for him, but I don't want to sacrifice my mental health anymore over it. Has anyone been in this position? Did you stay and your partner got better?