How much sacrifice is too much for love?
I (31F) have been with my partner (35M) for around 1.5yrs. He is kind, loving, generous, sweet and I love him very much. The thing is, he has severe autoimmune issues including VKH which has left him blind in one eye. A few months after we started dating, he developed Psoriatic Arthritis which is severe. He is on a high dose of methotrexate and Rinvoq and yet he is immense pain daily (6/10 on the pain scale). His back is the worst, I haven't been able to hug him in 1 month because any touch is agonising and this has been devastating for me. He isn't able to stand for prolonged periods, he can't walk for longer than 10mins at a time before he needs to rest. His condition makes him fatigued and we can only spend a few hours together before he needs to go home and sleep.
Having a family is very important to me. Historically, Methotrexate was thought to cause birth defects but a new study showed no significant risk for males taking it. Nevertheless, he doesn't feel comfortable trying for a baby on this medication, and he is not willing to take an alternative.
I want him to keep going back to the doctors, to tell them that the meds aren't working, to ask if there is some solution to conceiving, but he feels there's nothing that can be done and has resigned to this way of life. I have tried to be patient, supportive but I am incredibly frustrated by the situation and by his passivity and I am becoming resentful. We have open conversations about this but we can't reach a solution.
I want to be able to hug my partner, I want to go for long walks, I want to have the chance of having a baby; I feel guilt as I know he didn't ask for this condition and I should be supportive and empathetic, but I also feel so frustrated.
Has anyone else had experience being in a relationship with someone who has a chronic illness? How can I manage my frustration without becoming resentful? Am I being too demanding?