TW: not current, but past thoughts of suicide.
Not going to make this longer than it needs to be but, we’ve been together for a long time and we’re very happy for most of it. We have a child. Both of us went through some severely traumatic experiences a couple of years ago (me more than him, for context). I feel like my feelings for him shut off. We tried couples counselor but honestly it did more harm than good. I don’t think the counselor was the best. Also both did individual counseling and I have worked on a lot of trauma from childhood. I’m doing much better than I was before, at the worst of it I was hospitalized because I wanted to die.
There’s been no abuse, no cheating, really nothing worth leaving a healthy relationship over, except a lack of feelings and desire to the point that I can’t be intimate. I had a crush on someone maybe 8 months ago and stopped volunteering at the place I met them once I realized it could turn into feelings (only including this because it’s in my post history and I don’t want anyone to think I’m hiding something). But it did remind me that I’m capable of lust, just not experiencing it now, which is why I posted about it then.
I just want to hold onto hope. We are discussing either splitting up or trying a different counselor (maybe one with different credentials? I don’t know how that works). We have a child and I desperately want to believe that I can go from never wanting my partner to touch me to wanting to be with them again. I don’t need sparks or butterflies, I just want to want them again. Not feeling desired is hurting him but when I tried to ‘fake it’ before I would dissociate and have panic attacks. Please share if you’ve ever experienced this. Could a different couples counselor work? Can couples counseling help us bounce back? Is there a type of counselor that might be better than another?