I’m looking for advice or insight, especially from people who understand trauma and attachment.
I’m currently in a genuinely healthy relationship. My boyfriend is consistent, emotionally safe, loving, patient, and treats me better than anyone ever has. There is no abuse, manipulation, or instability in our relationship, and I truly care about him.
Despite this, I’ve been struggling internally in ways that make me feel confused and guilty. I was groomed as a child, and that person was my first “relationship.” Even though I fully understand now that it was abuse, my mind keeps returning to him in dreams . In my dreams, my current boyfriend is often replaced by this person from my past, or other random men, which leaves me feeling ashamed and unsettled when I wake up.
On top of that, I sometimes find myself romanticizing being single. I imagine being alone, “starting over,” or not being tied to anyone, even though nothing is actually wrong in my relationship. I also have moments where I fear that my boyfriend might not be my forever person, and that thought scares me because he has done nothing to deserve doubt.
I want to be very clear. I do not want the person who groomed me, and I do not want to leave my boyfriend. I recognize that the past relationship was harmful and that my current one is healthy. But my emotions and subconscious don’t always seem to match what I know logically.
I’m worried that these thoughts mean I’m broken, not healed, or secretly sabotaging something good. Has anyone experienced trauma resurfacing in a healthy relationship? Is it normal to question permanence or romanticize being single when you’ve never felt truly safe before? How do you tell the difference between intuition and trauma responses?
Any advice, shared experiences, or perspective would be appreciated. Please be kind.