I'm looking for advice and honest opinions from people in long-term relationships.
My wife and I have been together for over 22 years and married most of that time. We have two grown kids who still live at home. I've always had a very high sex drive (hypersexual, really), and while that has caused some issues over the years, one thing has never changed: I'm still extremely sexually attracted to my wife.
For a long time I thought it was impossible to be "too" attracted to your spouse, but now I'm starting to wonder. I want to be intimate with her constantly. I love looking at her body, complimenting her, and telling her how sexy she is. Even when we're just sitting on the couch watching TV and she's wearing regular clothes like jeans, I find myself staring and thinking about how much I want her.
She enjoys sex when we're together, but she has almost entirely responsive desire—she rarely thinks about it on her own and, by her own admission, doesn't really fantasize about sex at all. My constant desire and comments/stares make her uncomfortable at times, and she's told me this directly. In the past, it's been hard for me to hold back, and it's led to tension.
I've seen therapists over the years for various reasons, and whenever I've brought this up, they've told me I'm normal and that "most guys feel this way." I'm not sure I believe that, and even if it's common, that doesn't make it okay if it's bothering my wife.
I've even looked into medication to lower my sex drive because it's been frustrating for me at times.
So I'm curious: For those of you who've been with your partner 15–20+ years, do you still feel this level of intense sexual attraction? Would you drop everything in a heartbeat if they wanted to be intimate? Or has the frequency of those feelings naturally decreased over time?
Any thoughts, experiences, or advice would be appreciated. Thanks.