*Deleted and reposted to fix title*
Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a little over two years and it has been wonderful, we rarely argue and I always thought we communicated great, she’s the love of my life. But last night I admitted to something that I think she can’t forgive me for.
For context I used to be addicted to pills before we started dating and I told her this before and she said it made her upset. The other day I was bored and wanted to relive the past so I tried to get high off pills again, the only thing being I took the wrong dose and gave myself a really bad panic attack. The next day I kinda wanted to tell her so I started off with telling her about the panic attack but I chickened out and left out the part about the drugs causing it.
Fast forward to last night, she texted me that she was upset that she was always on display and talking to me about her problems while i rarely give her anything. I realized that in the moment how horrible that is that I’m not sharing with her as much as she was sharing with me so I decided to come clean about the true origin of the panic attack. She did not take it well at all and said I lied to her and that she doesn’t trust me. And we’re taking a day or two to collect our thoughts.
I can’t believe I messed up like this, I really wanted to tell her but this was such a new thing in our relationship I was scared how she was gonna take it. I know I lied but I never did it out of malice.
Is this the end of my relationship ? Is there coming back from this? What can I say when I see her to hopefully mend things. I know I did wrong but I want the chance to prove I can be better. I really really love her, she’s not my first relationship but I definitely feel like this love has been the most mature. She leaves to go back to college in a ~week and I’m so scared that’s not enough time to mend things before we go back to long distance.
Oh and she just texted me she feels we need to have a conversation about this in person, she feels sick waiting so I’ll be driving to go see her tonight.
And lastly I want to spend time with her too, how would I know I’m in a position where I can ask her to hang out with me again?