Help! In law dynamics

Hey all,

Got a situation that I’d like some input on. My partner is pretty hostile towards my in laws and I’m not sure what to do. There’s been some historical issues such as my sibling getting engaged before us and my mother suggesting we wait until they are married before we get married (addressed my mom and it ended with me saying we are going to go forward with our plans and it was not brought up again). My partner can be critical and is also self described as easily irritated. We bought a house and during the move in there was an argument and shit hit the fan. Since then there’s just been so much drama, and it’s difficult for me to be on either side because my partner can read into things and be critical if an apology wasn’t quite to their liking and had proceeded to tell their friends that my mother is evil, a c*unt, fat, etc. So there are times when I’ve said that they might be reading things a bit wrong or reading intentions inaccurately. Now with the holidays, my partner doesn’t want to go to family events, but doesn’t trust me to not defend them while they’re not there. Full transparency, my family has their issues, but they’ve never gone so far as talk to me about how horrible they think my partner is. At most they’ve commented that they didn’t wish things where the way things are now. My parents have sort of said it is what it is, but my partner hasn’t even said anything along the lines of that they want things to get better. Not sure what to do here.