A couple months ago before my boyfriend and I were official and simply in a talking stage, a guy came up to me at the gym and asked for my number. I was super uncomfortable, it was night time and I was alone, and I’m easily intimidated. I was scared to say no and gave him my number, this guy proceeded to follow me to my car and make me text him to see if I gave him a fake number.
I didn’t delete the guys number right away because I never texted him back and avoided him at the gym, I completely forgot it was in my phone. I deleted it when my now boyfriend brought it up. In retrospect I should have deleted it anyways because I never planned to hang out or be friends with the guy from the gym, it just slipped my mind.
Some time passer and when we got into one of our first fights (we weren’t official yet but we agreed we were exclusive if that makes sense) he was buzzed at the least. He said things like “you could have called and I would’ve driven to walk you to your car” and “I lost some trust in you when you told me you didn’t delete his number right away” and things like that. I tried explaining how I was uncomfortable and didn’t know how to say no, and I thought he finally understood.
Yesterday, after some drinking, he brought it up again. It’s been months since this occurrence. He STILL brings up the fact that I didn’t delete the guys number right away and makes me feel so guilty about it. I know we weren’t even official when it happened, but I genuinely start to question “did I cheat??” And “maybe he’s right to still be upset with me about it”.
I understand people can’t just “get over it” At times, even when we know we might be thinking or acting irrationally. I’ve given him time, I didn’t expect him to flip a switch and never think about it again or immediately stop feeling upset about it. But every time we get into arguments (when he’s even slightly buzzed) he brings it up and makes me feel like I outright cheated on him and I deserve the lack of trust he seems to have in me. It also manifests in my social media use.
Any advice on how to talk to him about this? I don’t know if I’m being inconsiderate about his feelings or if he’s the one being irrational.