Hey Reddit,
So, I (37M) messed up in 2025. I met someone special (34F), and hit it off like crazy: after a 2 year hiatus from dating, we met up, and it went amazing. Speaking every day, making plans for the future, everything bright and sunny, which for me is relatively rare (last relationship was a nightmare, so this is a breath of fresh air in every way.
The nightmare: my living situation was far from ideal at the time. In an unsafe part of town, erratic neighbors, building not up to code, etc. I started feeling sick and lethargic midway through this fledgling relationship. Was hospitalized twice for housing related reasons (not breathing right, suspected toxic air/water type symptoms, delirium), and after 2 months, was admitted to the ER for the last time. I was a mess, was in hospital for 4 days, after which point I was admitted to an inpatient recovery site to heal afterwards. Unfortunately, and I am kicking myself about this, the recovery spot doesn't allow phones or contact with the outside world at the onset of recovery (they also deal with addiction/alcoholism, so it's a safety issue), and my last text was basically "Heading for the hospital, be in touch soon ::heart::".
I am now recovered, in good health, and back online as of last night. I have been torn, because I absolutely adore this person and feel horrible for having disappeared, whilst at the same time relieved that I dodged a cruise-missile-sized bullet in the form of a life threatening ailment. I want/need to reach out and explain myself, but every time I try to think of what to say, it sounds totally flimsy. The relationship was only about a month long, but it was brilliant, and I am desperately hoping she hasn't moved on/doesn't hate my guts. The idea that I hurt her by ghosting kills me; I was also in absolutely no shape to be doing anything other than focusing on getting better in the meantime.
My question is this: how do I reach out in a respectful way that a) doesn't cause more harm and b) express the severity of what I went through while not minimizing her feelings, which I feel like I steamrolled? Please help!
Thanks in advance,
G