I just learned that my (27F) sister (17F) has a boyfriend. I’m happy for her and from what I hear, she really likes him. At the same time, this is making me feel so pathetic. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I know that’s cause of my own issues, but the fact that my sister who is 10 years younger than me beat me here is humiliating. I’m truly glad that she isn’t struggling in this way and I don’t wish that upon her, but we grew up with the same parents and she has managed to go through normal social development, meanwhile I’m in my late twenties and I feel like I’m trying to learn what most people figure out in their teenage years. I always have known that if I do get married, it’ll be later in life, but I never even considered until now that my sister might beat me to it. I don’t want her to live her life differently or not experience things the way she deserves to because of my own issues, but it doesn’t make this sting anymore. Most of the people I know who are getting married around this time are people who started dating in high school and were more comfortable dealing with dating at a younger age. Some started dating in college but still have had more time and experience to do so. I know I’m not in that stage of my life in the slightest and if she finds someone she wants to marry when she’s my age or younger, then I’ll be so happy for her. But the thought of being single when she gets married when I watched her grow up is making me feel so pathetic. I know a lot of people are gonna say I’m catastrophizing, and I could very well meet someone and there’s plenty of time but I’m not even trying to get married. I’m struggling to get into my first relationship with zero intention of even looking for someone I wanna spend the rest of my life with. For the first time, the fact that my sister is actually ahead of me is a real reality and now I can’t stop kicking myself for letting all this time slip away from me.
When she was telling us about meeting him she was saying how she liked him but wasn’t sure if he liked her and it just made me feel like I missed out so much by not dating while I was in school. I hate the contrived setting of dating that we have to use now because there isn’t really a natural way to meet people. My therapist tried to tell me that it’s actually better in some ways because when you go out with someone on a dating app, you do know they are at least somewhat interested you but I just don’t agree. The excitement of meeting someone and liking them and trying to figure out if they like you seems 1000 times more enjoyable than going on dates with random people who are also actively searching. I know that almost everyone feels this way about dating apps but I’m just pissed at myself for not engaging with it while I was in a setting where it was so easy to meet people.
I really do wish my sister the best and I reiterated to her over and over again that she can also come to me with anything but at the same time I feel like a fraud. What advice could I possible give her that’s authentic? I’m a decade older and completely out of my element when it comes to doing what a big sister is supposed to do. I know I’ve already said it but I feel so fucking pathetic.