We’ve (30M/F) been together for eight years and married for three. We both work full time and don’t have children—just a few pets. We’ve discussed starting a family, but every time I think I might be ready, I get cold feet. I worry that it would be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
Lately, I feel like we’re in a rut. He’s focused on school, a new position at work, and getting into a new hobby. When he does have free time, it’s spent on school, work, working out, or riding his motorcycle. There isn’t much time left for us.
Today was especially hard for me at work, and I just wanted some company. He came home, went to his man cave for a few hours while I ate dinner alone, then went out. He came back about 30 minutes later, took a shower, and went out again. I don’t know where he went. I’ve stopped asking.
I keep wondering if this is normal—do married couples really not spend time together on a daily basis? Maybe I need other people to rely on, but asking for 30 minutes a day with my spouse doesn’t feel unreasonable. I’ve tried to talk to him about this, but nothing has changed, and he’s slipped back into the same pattern. It’s been like this for about months now.
If he doesn’t have time for me now, how would a family ever fit into this? Or am I overthinking everything? I didn’t grow up in a married household, so I don’t know if I’m expecting too much or if I’m just being codependent.