I (33F) enjoy grinding on hard objects and was never able to get off with a partner (32M) until recently (this year). I did lots of homework over the years and had no luck with standard equipment despite changing positions, good communication, oral, hands, even several 6 month breaks from masterbating/sex due to lack of sex drive from medication. It's like I can never get enough pressure on a soft surface, but a hard surface like a bed post I can go in 5min easily, add in a dildo for penetration at the same time and it just hightens everything.
What has ended up working with a partner was mutual masturbation and bringing in a vibrating cock ring while in missionary and adjacent positions. When I'm on top it's like I can never get the right spot or enough pressure on my clit, but with him on top and no ring it was like he was hitting the right spots, and ringing the doorbell, but no one was home. The cock ring can usually get the door open but not always.
I've debated getting a vertical clit hood piercing several times as it'd be a hard surface right there, but not sure if it'd satisfy like I'd want it too. I've also heard of various horror stories that make me cautious about it as well.
So for those with similar preferences what has worked for you? My partner is excellent about prioritizing my pleasure and willing to experiment a bit to find what works best!