There are certain things that feel like death by 1000 cuts. This might end up a rant but I have no one to talk to about this.
My love language is definitely physical intimacy and acts of service. I love doing things for my wife that make her happy, and seeing that absolutely lovely smile of hers come through. I love making her life a little easier each day. I don't always have to be told that she loves me. I prefer her to show that she loves me, not just tell me.
Occasional cuddles and kisses. A good long hug after I get back from work. And of course the desire to want me like I want her.
People often worry that as they get older their spouses might age a little and they won't desire them as much but wow my wife just gets better with age or maybe its just desire for her grows stronger
Some of the issues we have are communication and intimacy and live goals however.
We used to sleep together much more often during the first few years of dating and our first year or two of marriage. I understood she had a lower libido while mine was a little higher, but that's okay. We met in the middle. Sometimes 1-2 times a week early on. Then a handful of times a month and as time passes it just becomes less and less. I'm not out of shape or anything and still attractive even compared to previous years.
We also have trouble communicating with this and other things as they come up. She can get a bit snippy with me at times and thats okay. I know the stress can get to you day to day, so its whatever. Let me know what needs to be fixed or if I've been slacking on something im usually great at and it's fixed usually or I'll talk about it.
However, if I give any, and I mean ANY negative feedback towards her its like it crushes her. She's a failure, can't do anything right etc… or it's redirected towards me somehow. It's very difficult when I want to talk about things to improve our marriage but I just get redirected towards something more of an uncomfortable session of comforting her when I feel I've been unable to talk about any of the grievances that I have.
It's also becoming more difficult to make the money that we need to grow our home and maybe even grow our family one day (30yo aprox) because anytime I bring up goals or how she might should go after the promotion at work when management opens up or that maybe an entry level job is paying better or offering better benefits she gets upset that I've brought it up or that she isnt good enough like other communication issues we have. I also can't travel more for work to open up job opportunities because I'm basically the only one that cooks within our household and she had troubles in the past with daily maintenance if I was gone multiple days at a time for work.
I don't know what to do. I love this woman so much but it feels like we are just roommates or best friends more than married sometimes. I want no one but her but my libido is way higher than when we first met and hers is significantly lower. Years ago I hopped mine would decrease so it wasn't an issue. I'm tired of the constant rejection both in the bedroom but also in so many parts of our daily lives. Ideas, goals, activities. It's hard to even get cuddles and a movie some nights because she's tired at 6pm or just outright rejects it.
I love her. I love her family. We've been married for 5 years now, together even longer. I just dont know what to do. I find myself fantasizing divorce just so I can be free of from all the rejection and frustration but I worry so much about what would happen to her mental health afterward. We've also built a life together. She's still my forever person, but she's just so much different than when we met and she won't talk about it.