Link to original: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/hzHaEvi4QK
We had an all out fight about money today. I was saving it for after the holidays and an adjacent fight brought it to head. I was absolutely dumbfounded about some of the things she said to me today.
-When we were a few months into dating, her old truck broke down. She mentioned during the fight that I should have offered to pay to fix it because “That’s what a good boyfriend would do.”
-She was insulted that I was upset about the fact that she had asked me to contribute to her family vacation. She said that it doesn’t matter I have paid for all of our trips to see my family, that I should, I should also cover my own expenses when we see hers.
-Splitting things 57/43 doesn’t work for her because splitting our expenses like that makes us roommates, in her opinion. She said that as the man I should be the provider and should cover expenses. She didn’t specify what would be a fair split but did say something about a man should buy the house and a woman doesn’t pay the bills.
-We went to a NYE party with her parents and spent the night at their house, then yesterday morning she said something about how it had cost $17 per person to go to the party. I asked what she was talking about and apparently in her culture if you go to someone’s party (at their house) you pay to be there. This was insane to me, but whatever. Then today during the fight she mentioned that I should have offered to pay for that.
We didn’t resolve anything, and now we’re on a “break”. I am not budging. I am willing to split our expenses…ALL of our expenses, 57/43. That would get adjusted based on our jobs/income, but that’s the deal I’ll accept for now, nothing else. I’m thinking we could at least try a relationship counselor because no person in their right mind would agree with how she sees money in a relationship…someone said it best in the original post, and it’s true…she sees her money as her money and my money as our money.
EDIT: the only thing that people are misconstruing (or just plain skipping over) is that she does say she will contribute monetarily to the household, but she wants me to fund all or the vast majority of the date nights and vacations.