My sister is eight years older than me. From the age of 14, I took on adult responsibilities in my family. That was when my father became seriously ill. As a teenager, I helped run the household and was heavily involved in his care. I often stayed with him so he would not be alone. At the time, I did not question this. It was simply my role.
As we got older, this dynamic continued. Over the years, I noticed a consistent imbalance in my relationship with my sister. She often benefited from others doing things for her or paying for her. I was one of those people. I regularly covered expenses, handled tasks, or supported her administratively. She would say she would pay me back, but never followed through. I told myself this was normal and that this is just what you do for family.
When I started therapy, I realized that our relationship worked best when I functioned in ways that benefited her. When I paid, helped, or took responsibility. I began setting boundaries. I still offered support, but I stopped taking over tasks or paying without clarity.
After I did this, she repeatedly became distant or unreachable, especially in moments when I needed support myself.
The breaking point came during a very demanding second degree that meant a lot to me. During the final phase, I developed serious eye problems and struggled to see while still having to complete required written work. I was under significant pressure and genuinely needed support. My sister offered very little and was largely absent.
She knows that I never had family support during earlier academic milestones and that this is a sensitive issue for me. I openly said that I wanted to celebrate finishing this degree. When I completed it successfully, she did not respond. I later invited her to celebrate with me and our parents, who are both seriously ill. She declined because she was attending an event for a friend.
Important context: growing up, my mother often punished me with silence and emotional withdrawal. My sister knows how deeply this affected me.
At this point, I am seriously considering fully distancing myself from my sister and emotionally closing this relationship. Not out of anger, but because the pattern feels consistently one sided and emotionally unsafe for me.
I am not looking to assign blame. I am looking for perspective from people who have experienced similar long term family dynamics.
Does it sound unreasonable to end or significantly withdraw from this relationship under these circumstances?
TL, DR
I took on adult and caregiving responsibilities from the age of 14. Over the years, my relationship with my sister has felt consistently one sided. I provided emotional, practical, and financial support, while receiving little support in return, especially when I needed it most. After setting boundaries, she became distant. I am now considering ending or significantly distancing myself from this relationship and am looking for perspective from people with similar long term family dynamics.