My wife (30F) and I (34M) have been together for 4 years, married for less than a year.
Throughout our entire relationship, we talked openly about having kids. These weren’t casual or hypothetical conversations , we discussed how many kids we might want, what languages we’d like them to learn, and what kind of family life we imagined. From my perspective, wanting kids was a shared expectation and a major part of how I envisioned our future together.
The night before our wedding, my wife told me she had decided she doesn’t want to have kids. I was completely blindsided. Given the timing, there wasn’t really space to process this or make a meaningful decision before the wedding itself.
Since then, any conversation about kids ends with “maybe I’ll change my mind in the future.” There’s no timeline or clarity, and the discussion usually stops there. I feel stuck in limbo.
I understand that having children is a personal choice, and I respect that no one should be pressured into becoming a parent. At the same time, I feel like my own choice was taken away. I entered this marriage believing we were aligned on something that is a major, life-defining issue.
I’m struggling with resentment and grief over the future I thought we were building. I don’t know how long it’s reasonable to wait on a “maybe,” or whether this represents a fundamental incompatibility.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you navigate this without pressuring your partner, but also without giving up something that feels essential to you?