Hello. So I came home from work, re read my post and the comments on them. I decided to talk to my husband, but I was very scared to so instead I showed him the post, he read it and the comments and we talked.
I told him some of the comments made me feel validated and safe, others made feel increased guilt and shame, and increased desire of avoidance. He talked to me, he said he is angry with me for not telling him all this sooner, he said he knew my hangups he never knew it was this deep, he thought I was okay.
I told him I never meant for him to think that way and I apologize. But he made one thing clear, he said I was not selfish. He said I was having sex with him still despite my feeling, he said what I was wrong in was not telling him sooner, forcing myself, and it hurts him that I didn't.
I asked him about an open marriage, he said that I already know he is also against open marriages, he made vows to not forsake me for better or for worst, and him stepping out would not only hurt me but break his vows to me and he will not do that, that this is not an excuse to cheat but instead help. He will not think to leave and break his vows as long as I am willing to work with him, then he will stay by my side and work this out too.
He told me to not internalize what people on the internet say because they are speaking from their own personal feelings, are strangers, and not of our marriage and next time just go to him.
He said that sex is important to him, but I am more important and so is our daughter and he told me he will work with me to find a better therapist, a sex therapist, and we will change our relationship in a way that suits us both. He said sex is not an obligation that he is owed, but a gift for us both, and he will work to help me feel safe with that gift.
He agreed to pause on sex, and agreed to focus on out marriage outside of sex, and work our way back up to a healthy sex life with therapy. And that is what marriage is about. I felt so happy, and safe and loved, and more comfortable with the idea of therapy if he is going to help me navigate everything.
I want to say I do not know how this will end, but I want to thank every comment especially the ones who were genuinely compassionate and helpful, I bookmarked most of them, the good ones, and will take the advice on therapy and any books that were suggested.
Thank you.