Hi, I (24F) was at my bestie’s(22F), let’s name Emily, yesterday. Her boyfriend (23M) was constantly abusing her (let’s name him Edward)
Emily and Edward are together for about 2 years. They live together. Emily was going to therapy at the very beginning of their relationship, the reason mainly was “I am deadly afraid of losing him”. I was there and I supported their relationship, I supported her. After some time, she started to share more details of their relationship. Once Emily said they were arguing, and she closed herself in the bathroom, crying. Other time, Emily had her tooth removed. She was coming back from work (yes, she went to work with her whole jaw completely swollen and high temperature) and she called him and asked if Edward could prepare a liquid meal, or microwave something so she could eat something warm (it was freezing outside). Edward said “no, I’m tired, you have hands you can do it on your own”.
There were more scenarios like this. I tried to explain to her that this is not ok, he was fine, whole day at home, no illness, nothing, he was tired from doing whatever he was doing on his pc, he should’ve helped her. She gave him ultimatum, now she says everything is fine, Edward’s changed.But no. I think he didn’t.
Anyway, I was at her place yesterday, I mean, at her parents. So there were us 3, parents and Emily’s brother.
At the table the brother and Edward started laughing at Emily that she has a forehead like an airport… I saw she’s hurt, but I didn’t say anything (mostly because I got into a big fight with Edward once), but what shocked me, her parents didn’t react. Nothing.
Before that Edward was making a big fuss about Emily sending him the wrong row they were supposed to sit at the cinema. He was mad at the cinema, during the ride home, and during dinner. Mad. Saying stuff like “you can’t even send the right row!”. Emily said that he can check the message again.
She sent the right row. What did Edward do? Nothing, no apology, nothing. Also, no reaction from her parents.
She was giving me a lift at the end of the day. Our conversation looked like:
Me: I think you’re bullied.. they’re so mean to you
Emily: oh, yup, my brother bullies me all the time.
Me: I mean, your boyfriend does too.
Emily: him??? Nah, he doesn’t.
Me: ok, maybe I’m overthinking..
I want to help her so bad. But she just won’t listen, she doesn’t see she’s being bullied. Anytime I mention it she either disagrees or says that they’re just playing games..
What do I do? I literally cried on my way home, I feel so helpless, I feel so bad for her.. Any ideas? I don’t care if this could ruin our friendship – I just want her to get away from him and be appreciated and loved like she deserves to be.
TLDR: my bestie is bullied by her boyfriend, she doesn’t see it, she’s afraid of losing him, and I don’t know how to help her. She didn’t listen so far. At this point all I care for is her getting away from him. Help, any advice?