I have a therapist and psychiatrist so I am not ask8ng advice just venting. Just so frustrated. I lost my mom this year and am so depressed right now. Then my husband goes in the narcissistic cycles where he is the most loving, safe, caring and amazing person and the bam. Tears me down, calls me every name in the book, everything I do is wrong literally!, says I dont do enpugh, is upset I won't (party lsd) w him, is just hurtful, hates everything about me. My brother is in town from across the country for 2 nights and now is gone for the night after my husband called him a liar in a debate they were having.
We are both disabled and both do what we can. On a normal day that is enough. When he gets mad I am never enough. He has attacked and tried to kill me in the past. He went to jail. Due to the PTSD I bailed him out and he "got help".
Last night got up in my face screaming at me to hit him, snatched my phone from my hand. I threw it across the room not even near him (wrong I know) he said I almost hit him. The insanity right!!!
He is a disabled vet with major PTSD AND MENTAL problems. Recovering alcoholic addict.
I just had surgery today. Everytime I have a surgery or issue this happens. I feel like a burden. Why do I stay? I ask myself everytime this happens. He lies so m7ch or doesn't remember things he has said. I feel crazy. Feel like I need to record 24/7 ( that is not a marriage) so I do not. When we are not fighting I help him remember stuff but when this happens I lie and make up stuff. I do not ever fight w anyone else. My kids do not care for him. 3 tolerate. 1 has never let him meet their 5 and 3 year old.
I am not without faults and would never say that. That could be another post. Ie… I like my stuff but am not a hoarder. It is organized. He is a minimalist so that clashes for sure. But, only when this cycle happens. It was so hard for him to let me really unconditionally love him when we were dating. Horrible childhood and 2 tours in the Army. So much more here.
The sex is great. Slowed down recently w my knee injury but still doing it and very attracted to him.
He is heavier now which I do not mind. 5'6.5 and 230 lbs I am currently same height and 176 lbs. But years ago when I gained some weight and was around 208. 3 times he called me fat, told me he was no longer attracted to me, I was addicted to food. I am 55 yes old now. Hotmones,peri menopause was not over eating. I forgave him but in the back of my mind when I am naked, playing, etc… I hear that voice. I love him no matter his weight etc… unconditionally. Anyways Merey Christmas Eve. Thanks for listening to my insanity. I know it is.