Hi everyone, I’m looking for some outside perspective because I genuinely want to handle this better, not just vent.
I’m 16F, my boyfriend is 17M, and we’ve been together for just over 10 months. This is my first serious relationship, and while I really care about him, I’ve been feeling increasingly uneasy about the balance of effort between us.
Lately, I’ve noticed that I’m almost always the one starting conversations, asking how his day was, making plans, and checking in when something seems off. He’s not mean or dismissive, but he’s very passive. If I don’t text first, we can go most of the day without talking. If I don’t bring up seeing each other, it often doesn’t happen.
I’ve tried mentioning it casually a couple of times, but he usually says something like, “I didn’t realize,” or “I’m just bad at texting,” and then things improve for a few days before going back to the same pattern. I don’t think he’s intentionally hurting me, but I’m starting to feel unimportant, and that’s affecting how secure I feel in the relationship.
I’m struggling with how to bring this up seriously without sounding accusatory or needy. I don’t want to start an argument, but I also don’t want to keep quietly feeling bad and hoping he notices on his own.
My question:
How can I have a clear, honest conversation about effort and communication that actually leads to change, and how do I know if this is something I should accept versus something that’s a real incompatibility?
I’d really appreciate thoughtful advice, especially from people who’ve been in similar situations.
TL;DR:
16F dating 17M for 10 months. I feel like I’m putting in most of the effort with texting and plans. How do I bring this up clearly without causing a fight, and how do I tell if this is fixable or a bigger issue?