First Post for me.
Middle aged husband and father of two teens.
Context: My wife (of 10+ years) and I seem to be at an impasse. And its been going on for over a month. We've had a conversation, which gave me some hope for us. But after she went through her process. She has a method, it takes time, so i be supportive while letting her breath and digest everything – generally a couple of days to a week of no to limited communication. This time nothing, we are still at no communication as if i dont exist. And im starting to feel like this could be it, as any comms i do get are very critical of me.
Background: Mental Load is at play here. It has come up before, and i feel i get better at meeting her needs as we have been together. For the last year plus, when im home (I work away regularly). I cook, clean, laundry, house maintenance, drop offs and pick ups etc everyday when im home. There are jobs and tasks, i would offer assistance with, but ultimatley she took very particular care of. So I thought by doing the other tasks, i was freeing up her time.
We havent been a perfect couple, had loud disagreements. And said some horrible things to each other. I worry if it has just been too much damage between her and I, to recover now. Done marriage counselling which i learned a lot from, and applied.
Ive been supportive of her in her ventures. And i like to think im her number one fan.
I feel this all started, because i reached out for support. Doesnt happen often. I got nothing. So admittadly, i became withdrawn and avoidant. Which i know was not right, but fell into an old coping method.
Anyway, im just trying to see if there is anything more i can do to try an save this?
I have been repremanded for asking questions, and my research has made me appriciate that this can feel like more mental load. So now i avoid asking questions, which had lead to me making minor mistakes which are always voiced critically. I think the information ive read would place her in "gaurded Feminity" from feeling she has not been supported for so long.
Ive written myself a schedule breakdown / brain dump of all the jobs i know of from start to finish, because i work off list and dont want to miss things.