My boyfriend (25M) and I (25F) are in a serious 4.5 year relationship with plans to get engaged after he passes the bar and starts his job. He is the sweetest guy and I will always see him as the liberal arts major who almost thought he had to become a teacher if he didn’t make it into law school.
Over the years, I’ve come to learn that his family is a bit more abrasive in their humor than what I grew up with and I’m still coming to accept that’s who they are in their “just picking ways.” I’ve notice them do it to the most beloved members in their family so it’s not just me, but it’s still rude in my opinion. My boyfriend is also a very humble man, mostly because his family brags enough for him. We’ve communicated about it and I can definitely see a difference in like how they’ve changed around me but they are still their own persons at the end of the day.
Unfortunately, in conversation with his family about my career, they made some comments that don’t sit well with me. We both come from the same socio-economic status. I have been trying to let it pass over me like a grass blade with wind. My boyfriend is so used to this he genuinely doesn’t notice. My family and I have reached the conclusion I just have to get thicker skin.
Example 1, I was telling them about a cool undergraduate job I had 3rd year at a well known company and mentioned I made $20/hr (which was pretty good considering I was not out of undergrad/ good for our area) and a family member said back with “well that’s not $30/hr like [boyfriend’s name] had hahaha” (well yes at his law school, ahem a professional degree, summer internship). So I snapped back with “well I’m not in grad school so of course I wouldn’t make as much at an undergraduate internship.” Boyfriend’s mom also sees the abrasive humor of their family/how I think it’s strange too and defended me too.
Example 2, I was telling them how much I love my non-profit (part-time) job and a family member made the comment how “well they don’t make much money because it’s a non-profit” after talking about how they (jokingly, I think) can’t wait to spend boyfriend’s future money to sponsor ____ family events/things/trips…etc. Until he becomes my husband, his money is his business. I just know I’m still being measured up by the family, and he will always be their golden perfect child just like I am in my family.
Context: I’m a recovering gifted kid, rigorous international HS diploma grad, 3 undergrad degrees, full-ride academic scholarship, and did 4+ internships in undergraduate on top of full class schedule to help supplement my network/education/experience since I’m a 1st generation college student with blue collar parents. I work 10 hours a week after work at a non-profit I give my heart to, on top of my 40hr a week job that’s in a good industry and could move me around the world if I wanted.
My boyfriend has told me throughout our relationship that he admires me for my drive and ambition. He knows I want to pursue a Master’s eventually, and is supportive of that, but it doesn’t make sense for this point in my career right now.
I know I’m a catch and he will always be their golden boy. How do I develop thicker skin so they don’t think I’m so sensitive?
TL;DR;
I’m in a serious long-term relationship and struggle with my future in-laws’ abrasive, “joking” humor. Especially comments comparing my career and income to my boyfriend’s. I know I’m accomplished and supported by my boyfriend, but their remarks still sting. How do I develop thicker skin so their comments don’t bother me or make me seem sensitive?