Hi everyone, I’m 19F and my partner is 22M. We've been together for a year and 2 months i,’m writing this because I’m genuinely stuck and I really need outside perspective and advice.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on our relationship and I’ve come to realize that, despite how much we love each other, ’ve been adding to his emotional burden rather than being a source of support. I get worked up over small things, take things personally, and get hurt or offended easily. A lot of our disagreements could honestly be resolved by talking calmly, but instead I let my emotions spiral, I often storm off and avoid any kind of proper communication the moment I get angry and I even threaten to end the relationship when the argument escalates to a really bad point.
What hurts the most is that I know this pattern exists. I keep saying I want to change, I look for ways to change, but somehow I fall back into the same unhealthy behaviors. It’s been months of me promising improvement, and I hate that my words are starting to feel empty. Meanwhile, he continues to treat me with kindness and patience even after everything I’ve put him through, and it makes me feel undeserving of this relationship.
Right now, I feel genuinely stuck. I still have unresolved issues that I know I need to work through, and it’s going to take time. I’m trying, but I’m realizing that maybe I haven’t made as much progress as I thought. He’s spent years working on himself to become healthier emotionally, and it feels unfair for me to expect him to stay while I’m still figuring myself out and hurting him along the way.
Part of me feels like the “right” thing to do is to walk away so I stop hurting him, even though the thought of losing him terrifies me. I love him deeply, and I’m not giving up on changing, I just don’t know how to change in a way that actually sticks. I want to know how to better control my anger and I don't want to hurt him anymore.
TLDR: How do you actually break a cycle of emotional reactivity and unhealthy behavior?