We’ve been together for almost 3 1/2 years. Lately we’ve been having a lot of problems because of how our small fights go. Typically, we get into a small fight, he’ll say something rude to me (said I was acting like a b**ch once, told me to shut up, etc.), I get frustrated with his comment, and then he gets frustrated with me for bringing it up, saying that I’m trying to turn the fight around on him and blame him for everything. After a long time of this I reached a breaking point, and 3 days ago I tried to end things with him. I told him why, and he just kept asking “why can’t we work on this? You didn’t give me a chance to change.”
After 2+ hours of talking on that day, I decided not to leave. My biggest fear is that, if he didn’t convince me to stay, I absolutely would have followed through and we wouldn’t be together right now. But he did, and I caved. He swore to me that I’m the most important thing in his life and he’s never going to do anything to almost lose me again. He swore he’ll never invalidate my feelings again and that he’s going to work on being vulnerable with me and admitting when he’s wrong. He seemed, and still seems, like he truly meant it.
These last few days he’s been so wildly sweet to me. He’s been so physically affectionate, which normally I’m the only one that craves physically touch and he doesn’t really need it as much. He’s been kissing me like crazy, because usually we wouldn’t kiss intimately like we used to when we first got together, and I had told him that’s something I missed. He’s been calling me beautiful, telling me I’m his whole world, talking about marriage, etc. Truly the whole nine yards. I feel more valued by him these last few days than I have in a very long time.
But the thing is I’m so scared that this is all an act out of fear of losing me. I’m scared that he realized I might actually leave, and now realizes he has to step it up or I would leave him. He swears up and down these are permanent changes and that it’s not just a honeymoon phase. He says he knows this will be hard but one day it’s going to make us stronger than ever.
Honestly I might believe him. He really might make these changes for good. So I hate myself for still being sad. I can’t get rid of it, I’ve been so depressed these last few days. I’m scared because what if he really does change and becomes an amazing partner to me and I’m still just sad over the past. I don’t know if this will go away and I don’t know what to do.
TL;DR: I tried to end things with my boyfriend of 3 years, he convinced me to stay, and now he’s making changes. I can’t stop feeling sad though, and I’m scared for our future together.