Hi,
My issue isn’t as uncommon as a lot of the stuff I’ve seen on this and other subreddits focusing on relationship advice. I’m writing this post mainly because I’m new to a romantic relationship and don’t really know who to speak to, so I hope that here I will be able to air out my initial concerns.
Before we get to the core of the issue, I will first briefly outline the general context. I’ve been in a steady relationship with a girl my age for rougly 2 months (not a lot, I know). We aren’t fully and formally committed to being „boyfriend” and „girlfriend”, but we have been actively enaged romantically, we’re dating, and there is no doubt that we’re exclusive. We didn’t have any major fights or disagreements yet, and we both percieve our relationship as more causal and a way to blow off steam rather than actually looking for anything serious in the future.
Yesterday we attended a New Year’s Eve party. It wasn’t a huge gathering, around 30 friends and acquaintances. She was very drunk since the moment I arrived, while I stayed sober. During the time I was at the party, I repeatedly saw her interacting with other guys in a handsy, overly open kind of way. Just imagine how a stereotypically drunk person acts, being extremely friendly and loving to people they don’t even know, that’s how she behaved. It got to a point where another friend of mine who was in attendance asked me „She’s constantly walking around this other guy, aren’t you jealous?”.
It didn’t bother me at first, but I started to grow suspicious when her attitude became much more „toned down” and disinterested when interacting with me. It’s not like she was actively ignoring me or anything, she was still hugging/kissing me, but I could sense that something was off.
As time passed, I felt it got even worse. When midnight came, she became very handsy with some of the guys there. When an argument broke out between two guys, she immediatelly went to comfort one of them, even though it wasn’t any of her business. The most hurtful thing happened near my departure. I was sitting next to her on a couch, and was holding her hand. After a few minutes, she let go of me and hugged a guy that was sitting on her opposite side and started talking to him. It was like I wasn’t even there. That really hurt.
I’ve been sitting around all day today thinking about what happened, and I’m very conflicted. On one hand, I’m extremely frustrated and I resent her for what happened. On the other hand, I’m aware that a lot of it is my own overthinking and dramatization. I’ve been known to have problems with jealousy in regards to friendships and family relations, and I see it as one of my greatest flaws. I’m not controlling or anything, it’s just that jealousy is eating me away from the inside and I don’t know how to live with it. Besides that, she was very drunk during the party, so I will never know to what extent her actions were conscious and, for lack of a better word, deliberate. I oftentimes try to turn my jealousy into a joke in hopes that it minimizes the paint that it causes me, and that is something that even she noticed, though we haven’t ever spoken about it seriously.
I have no idea how to approach this situation. Even though we haven’t been together that long, I do truly care for her, and want to foster a relationship that will benefit us both to the fullest extent. That’s why I’m writing this post, so that maybe someone has an idea on how to approach this. While I spent most of the post prestenting the New Year’s Eve situation, it’s really a spark in the barrel of gunpowder which is my problem with jealousy, and I just can’t function to my fullest potential with this ugly feeling buried inside of me.
What should I do? Should I confrony my partner directly? Should I talk to someone else (family, friends) to get an unbiased view of the situation? Should I just let it go, hoping that this was just a one-time misunderstanding? I really need help, and I hope that this community can provide some substantial advice. Other than that, I hope you’re all having a great day (or at least better than I’ve had) and I wish you all the best for 2026.
TL;DR:
I’ve been casually dating a girl for about 2 months. At a New Year’s Eve party she got very drunk and acted overly touchy and attentive toward other guys, while seeming more distant with me. One moment that really hurt was when she let go of my hand to hug and talk to another guy as if I wasn’t there. I’m torn between feeling genuinely disrespected and wondering if this is my long-standing jealousy problem plus her drunken behavior. I care about her and want a healthy relationship, but I don’t know whether to confront her, talk it through with someone else first, or just let it go as a one-time incident.