My girlfriend(22F) has been lying to me(22M) for over a year about ever having an orgasm
Me(22M) and my girlfriend(22F) have been dating for over 9 months now but had met each other around a year ago. Throughout our relationship we’ve had our ups and downs, especially after we started doing long distance 5 months in. However, we had promised to be honest with each other no matter how bad or uncomfortable it may be. I’ve had to confess some addictions I have struggled with and things I am doing to combat them. She’s always been supportive and more than willing to work things out together to ensure our relationship is strengthened each and every day. Recently we had just spent some time together over Thanksgiving and Christmas break. With us being long distance, sex is all the more important to me and her (more to me). One thing to mention is that my sex drive is much higher than my girlfriends but she still has a drive and will initiate at times. I used to believe our sex life was great. I’m more experienced than her and would always ask her what she enjoys the most and if there was anything we wanted to try, we would take time to research a position and try to replicate it. One of the most important things to me when having sex is to make sure she finishes. I’ve made this known to her and I usually thought that I had done my job: whenever her body had started convulsing, discharge coming out, along with her moaning that she’s cuming. I’ve done plenty of research through reading articles and watching videos to try to implement things I believe is best for her to orgasm multiple times. Additionally we’ve done things to make sex all the more intimate and hot for us by her wearing lingerie, using coconut oil, me putting on more muscle, and even videotaping at times. Through us having sex whenever we see each other there would be multiple rounds that would include plenty of foreplay,intimacy, and roughness(what she likes), in which she would tell me that she came x amount of times. Today I just got a call from her in which I could tell something was wrong, after a while she broke down crying saying that’s she’s been lying about ever having an orgasm. She had followed up with: When I had asked her the first time we had sex if she had finished, she said she didn’t know what to say or what it really meant so she lied. She had looked up later on what an orgasm felt like and she had said that she’s always gotten close but never the actual feeling of a dopamine rush followed by relaxation. She’s told me in the past that regardless if she cums or not she always enjoys us having sex. It’s just a huge mindfuck for me right now since for the past 9 months I’ve been lied to about something I took pride in, put a lot of effort towards, and I’ve never had this problem with any women in the past. I haven’t talked to her so far since the call earlier this morning and am trying to figure out how to move on from this and the future times that we will have sex. How can I work on have the same feelings of intimacy and drive for sex in the future knowing that she has lied about ever having an orgasm? Also how can I make it comfortable for her to express her true feelings without feeling judgment?
TLDR: Girlfriend of 9 months has been lying about ever having an orgasm in a relationship in which we prioritize honesty and communication. I’ve never had this problem before and have taken many steps into making sure she orgasms at least once when we have sex.