Let me preface that I feel pretty insane right now.
My boyfriend and I (1 yr relationship) are currently traveling via train and watched a Netflix show while transferring at different cities.
In this show there is a man who continuously cheats on his wife and I said something along the lines of “Ugh, I really don’t like him” “Cheating is so awful” “hate this guy…”.
I later realized that these may have also been so called ‘bids for connection’ with my bf as well as seeking some kind of reassurance or agreement on morals (we’ve been together for pretty much exactly a year).
Each time I said something, it was met with nothing more but a slight shrug twice, a sigh, then an annoyed “it’s just a show , it’s not real life”. Technically, he is not wrong.
I got visibly upset though to which he said “I’m never watching anything with you again. You always do this.. it’s always difficult with you” I then made an (admittedly) very bad comment saying “Yeah you’re also still friends with X (his best friend whom he helped to cheat on his girlfriend and covered it up for him).
When we boarded the next train (which we are on right now- in separate rows on the same car), I walked over to where he sat down and tried to speak with him.
I explained that all I needed for him was to “see me” maybe give me some safety or reassurance, because honestly yes I sometimes need it (also pms week- he knows). I said I believed it’s not really about the show or agreeing on everything but in a relationship sometimes you just do what it takes to make your significant other feel comfortable and rest assured – say if they are insecure. And I believe I have always done this for him. Anyway he replied me it is “stupid”. It’s “just a show” it is “not his job/ responsibility to deal with my feelings”.
And I feel like a loser because I’m around 30. But still cry during arguments on a public train (quiet words and silent tears but still).
We are on our way to vacation this very moment- over new years with a shared airbnb and a full blown fight is not what I want right now, so I apologized (as I usually do immediately). He said “it’s fine, just don’t make a scene about a tv show”. He still doesn’t know it’s not really about the show to me, anyway he now only walks 20 feet ahead of me not checking if I’m still there (we are in a foreign country), and I keep wondering where do we go wrong having a full blown argument over something SOOO small ? Do we just not see each others point? And is there a way at all to get where the other person is coming from? I feel like we often have these arguments where we just can’t for the life of us even understand where the other person is coming from – or well he just labels me as emotional and stupid and then silences me by being silent.