My boyfriend 32M and I 29F have been together for around 2 years and have lived together for 1 year.
I’m someone who doesn’t go on their phone very much, so it really bothers me how much my boyfriend uses his. And I’m talking like 12-15 hours of screen time a day. Like almost every waking moment, he even takes it into the shower sometimes.
When we aren’t doing stuff together and are just hanging out at home it doesn’t bother me that much because we are both doing our own thing, but it’s more when we are supposed to be spending time together that it is a problem. For example if we go out to dinner together and he’s on his phone it’s just embarrassing for me sitting there waiting for him to be done, when we could actually be having a conversation. Often when we go places I drive and he goes on his phone the whole way and we don’t talk. If I try to talk it’s like a half conversation because he’s not fully listening even though he says he is.
We don’t do that much together but when we do I get the feeling that all he wants is to go home, lie down and go on his phone. Sometimes when we are out somewhere and I’m enjoying myself he will subtly hint about when we are leaving which just ruins it because I don’t want to be there if he doesn’t anyway. Either that our he will just pull out his phone then and there. He also never makes plans for us or organises dates
It really sucks for me because I value quality time together and meaningful conversation so much, without enough of it I am feeling really distant and disconnected from him. It’s also damaging my attraction to him I think as I feel my emotional needs aren’t being met.
I have brought it up to him heaps of times and said it bothers me but he says I’m overreacting and it’s normal for a guy to want to go on his phone that much, and that I just don’t want him to enjoy his phone time.
I also mentioned that when I see my friends we don’t go on our phones barely at all, and he got pretty defensive saying “well why don’t you just go spend all your time with them”. It’s really hard to talk to him about it because he hates conflict and will just shut down and then pretend the argument never happened.
He wasn’t like this in the early days of our relationship but I genuinely think that’s because he knew it would give a bad impression so held back. But once we started dating more seriously it’s always been like this.
It’s causing major strain for me and I’m questioning the whole relationship and whether it will work in the long run. I don’t want to be with someone for the rest of my life who will put a device before quality time with me.
I really love him and want to be with him but I don’t know if I can get past this.
AIO? Is it something that we can work around or is leaving the only option?
TLDR: boyfriend is glued to his phone basically every waking moment. It bothers me and I don’t know if it’s worth pursuing the relationship