Please be honest with me (F/28) and let me know if I am the problem. I very well might be.
The problem is, my current boyfriend (M/27) is not masculine enough to me (in comparison to my exes). Attribute wise (6’1, 215 pounds) I feel like he’s great…but that seems to be where it stops.
Examples:
- Not physically strong:
A. Anytime he lifts me up (I am 130lb, 5’4) he struggles and grunts. I jokingly said “struggling?” today and he said yes, because he hadn’t been hitting the gym. But something tells me he would struggle regardless.
This was a bit off-putting for me as all my exes (some shorter/who weigh less than him) could easily hoist me up and carry me anywhere.
- Not good with his hands/handy-man:
A. He is not good with his hands. Can’t build anything, mount anything, paint anything, fix a tire, etc. As an example, I bought a new play set for my son. It was very complex to put together and required heavy duty tools. I mentioned this to him and he said “no problem I’ll do it! I’ll just buy a screwdriver”. A screwdriver…after I mentioned “heavy duty tools” . It kind of threw me off that he considered a screwdriver a heavy duty tool and also…didn’t have one already.
B. One day his smoke alarm battery was going off (battery died) and I asked, “are you gonna fix that?” He said no, he would get the apartment maintenance staff to fix it. I looked at him but didn’t say anything. You’d rather call a maintenance worker to replace a battery than you?
- He is very sensitive during play fighting:
I love play fighting. I think it’s fun, and playful, and sometimes can even turn sexy *wink wink* We RARELY play fight together…and for a while I just assumed that wasn’t his personality. But one day he said “I love play fighting” when we were on a double date…this sparked my interest because he never initiated it. So later that light I slyly initiated a bit of rough play which he immediately said “ok ok! You win!” (I barely squeezed his hand). I have tried a couple more attempts but they all end in him saying “ow ow!” And not feeding back into it at all. Let me reminder you I am an 130 pound, 5’4 girl. I am not very strong, folks.
In all my past relationships i have dated traditionally masculine men. Handy men, physically strong, and who all love a good play fight that could be them hoisting me into the air, wrestling with me in bed, etc. my new man does none of that and I don’t want to say I have the ick, but I’m becoming less and less attracted to him.
I WILL say (unlike most of my exes) he seems to be loyal, and is emotionally intelligent, and a GREAT communicator. I am just struggling to get past the masculine thing.
And this is gonna sound bad but…in the African American community light skin men are seen as “softer/sassier”. This is my first time dating a lighter skin man (seriously)and it seems to be true in this case.
Not sure what to do, help!