Hi! I’m (41) have issue to reach orgasm with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for almost 3 years now, he’s my first relationship so I don’t have a lot of experience with all of this. To add a bit of context, I was born a boy but I live my life as a woman. Of course he knows, and a couple of friends but no one else know. I keep it secret.
The thing is I haven’t got my sex reassignment surgery yet (it is scheduled this year). So I unfortunately still have my original junk. To clarify, I use it as a clit (like with a vibrator) and never used it as a man would.
I started recently experimenting with it to reach orgasms while I was consulting a sex therapist to improve my sex life. I’m a bit disgusted by my parts, so it is not easy. I recently managed to reach orgasm by myself (yeah 🥳) but it takes a lot of time. Every time my boyfriend touches me down there, it does nothing to me. I can’t even orgasm by myself when he’s next to me. I really don’t know why. I need to be alone. Maybe I’m ashamed of doing intimate stuff and be judged, maybe I am ashamed of my own body. When I’m alone I read to erotica or listen to erotica to stimulate my brain. But I feel guilty doing that at the same time. Recently I started to think maybe I might not be sexually compatible with my boyfriend. And I m getting scared that I am now emotionally involved in a relationship that even a surgery down there won’t fix our sexual life. And at the same time, I’m not blaming him, he’s straight and into vagina, not into what the fuck I have between my legs. He tells me everytime I try to bring back my insecurities that everything will change after surgery. Now I’m afraid he is not able to stimulate my brain and make me sexually active (I have a very long responsive desire), to make daily life more erotic, to make me more secure while doing it and maybe it s why I can t orgasm ? And I have no other experience to compare with.
I’m puzzled, struggling with my intimate life. I feel the whole situation is just because of me and my fucked up body.