I’m struggling with whether my marriage is actually salvageable or if I’m holding on out of guilt and familiarity.
My husband and I have been together for a long time 13 year,married 7, we share young children. For most of our relationship, the dynamic was toxic — explosive, physically and emotionally unhealthy. There was a lot of immaturity, poor communication, emotional reactivity, and instability. I’ve been the primary parent and emotional caretaker throughout.
Over time, that environment took a toll on me. We separated for 4 months because i had enough, found out i was pregnant with our second child and we decided to try again for the sake of our marriage and our sons.
The current issues haven't really changed, there is still communication problem on his end, Major differences in emotional intelligence and empathy, constantly explaining my feelings without any consistent change
Emotional immaturity that shows up when he’s upset, A pattern of threatening the relationship (or implying separation) during conflict, instead of working through issues constructively
Recently, he’s said he’s “trying” and even told me he wants to “fall in love with me again.” But only
After he messes up
His effort feels minimal, Inconsistent, Short-lived
I’m not angry, and I don’t hate him. I care about him as a person. I just don't feel secure. But I'm struggling with the narrative that maybe it isn't that bad I will cause more damage to my kids or myself by leaving.
So my question is:
Is the marriage worth fighting for when one partner says they’re trying, but their effort doesn’t meaningfully change especially after a long history of toxicity?
At what point does “trying” become too little, too late?