I’m \[39M\], my wife is \[34F\]. We have a 6-year-old daughter. This was an arranged marriage. Before marriage, I gave her a month to decide freely, and she said yes.
From almost the beginning of our marriage, my wife has shown a strong pattern of seeking attention from other men. This includes excessive eye contact, positioning herself to be noticed, and making sure men look at her—even when I’m present. This happens everywhere: public places, near our home, office surroundings, and even with my relatives.
Over time, some men around our area started behaving strangely—standing close, trying to be in her line of sight, repeatedly appearing when she goes out. She has never once complained or expressed discomfort about this. In one case, I noticed (via nearby shop CCTV) that a man repeatedly appeared exactly during school drop and pickup times. When I confronted her, she denied anything and said I was imagining it.
I’ve tried talking to her calmly many times. Sometimes she briefly reduces the behavior, but it always returns. When I express discomfort, she turns it around and says, “If others are looking at me, what can I do?” She also accuses me of not looking at her “the right way.”
This situation has affected me deeply. I’ve started resenting people I once had good relationships with, simply because of how uncomfortable this has made me feel. I hate that about myself.
Our emotional and physical relationship is almost nonexistent. Romance is nil. Intimacy only happens if I initiate, and even then it feels mechanical and time-bound. She has clearly told me:
• I am not her lover
• Love is “not for us”
• She isn’t interested in intimacy and just wants it to “get over”
She doesn’t care if we go weeks or months without being close.
I’ve also caught her talking to another man for over an hour. She said he’s “just a friend.” Even after I clearly expressed discomfort, she continued speaking to him.
We don’t function like a couple. She doesn’t plan outings together. If I suggest something, she either cancels her plans or says, “You go, I won’t.” There’s no shared life. I work from home and take care of our daughter until she returns from office. She focuses on work and teaching our child, but there’s no space for us as partners.
The breaking point for me was recently when our daughter was hospitalized and needed an MRI at another hospital. I was extremely anxious, worried about surgery or serious outcomes. Even during that moment, my wife made excuses to interact socially with someone else instead of being emotionally present. That shattered whatever hope I had left.
I feel broken, unwanted, and emotionally abandoned. I’ve stayed only because of my daughter, but I don’t know how much more I can take.
My questions:
• Is this behavior emotional neglect or emotional infidelity, or am I overreacting?
• Can attention-seeking behavior like this change if it has continued for years?
• How do you decide between staying for a child vs. preserving your mental health?
• Has anyone been in a similar marriage, and what helped you decide your next step?
I’m not posting to attack my wife. I’m posting because I feel completely lost and exhausted.