Hey Reddit.
I don’t usually post but I really need outside opinions because I feel stuck.
I’m 23M and my girlfriend is 20F. We’ve been together almost 3 years. We started dating when she was 18.
First, I’m not perfect and I know I messed up in the past. I used to like other girls’ pictures on Instagram and once, in a group of friends, while laughing and joking, I put my hand on a female friend’s leg. It was innocent and not sexual, but I know it was a mistake and I take responsibility for that. Since then, a lot of the problems are blamed on “lost trust”. And anything that happens apparently HAS to haunt me.
We live together now (moved just a month ago), and over time I feel like everything has to be her way. Little by little I stopped having a voice. This year I can’t even spend New Year’s Eve how I want (with friends or family) because she wants it exactly like last year, just the two of us, which is okay, but she was rude and talked really bad to me for no reason while expressing this. God knows why.
She hates my grandparents because she says they didn’t respect our privacy enough. That did bother me too, but I don’t hold grudges and I believe problems can be solved. She doesn’t see it that way. Also they are really old and they were helping us by giving us a place to stay, free or charges. They care about me, and they saw she wasn't working for more then 6 months so as any old people do. they judged.
Since July, she also hates my mother. My mom is an alcoholic and yes, she has said some bad things in the past (once she said my girlfriend had no say in my decisions). That wasn’t okay. Even if I agree with it in a way, there are different ways to approach such a statement, especially around a 20yo female who was once really mature and is now a brat that cant that anything that bothers her to the minimum.
But honestly, overall my mom is a good person who needs help and love. I want to support her, but I feel like I’m not allowed to.
My girlfriend tells me to “live my life”, but whenever I do, I’m wrong and selfish. I’m always the one apologizing. I have hobbies, and a job. I like to be active, she doesn't and only almost 2 weeks ago she finally started working.
We’ve had physical arguments before, on both sides, and I know that’s not healthy. But one time she headbutted me in the nose. That really stuck with me.
I can’t see my friends as often as I want. I even quit a good job because she worked there for a while and didn’t like that there were other women, she said they were hitting on me, which is bullshit, they had nice figures. That's all. And now where I work there's also woman like that and she hates it. I never did anything to make her think like this, not since I made the inicial mistakes. I try to overcome it but she never forgets and every chance she gets she just throws whatever happened in the last 3 years at me. She is not strong enough to overcome her insecurities, neither does she want my help.
She keeps finding reasons to be against me and says everything comes from her losing trust in me.
My dad has never done anything bad to us, he’s only helped, but she doesn’t want to be around him either. On Christmas, she told me it was fine if I had lunch with him and my grandparents. Surprise: it wasn’t fine. She got upset (it passed faster this time, at least).
She doesn't have friends, I had her meet friends of mine but she managed to twist things one way or another and now she doesn't hang out with anyone.
Right now she’s mad because I stood up for myself when she spoke badly to me, just because I mentioned having dinner (not New Year’s Eve) on the 31st with my mom. She says I’m always choosing my family and that I’m a “mommy and daddy’s boy”, but I’ve seen my mom maybe 5 times since July, and 3 of those were family events. Which is against who I am. I love my family. And I'm bigger then my problems, I address them and try to solve them when they emerge. Still, this is how I live.
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. We just moved into a new apartment and I’m stuck here for another 9 months.
It was a mistake, in my head moving away from my grandparents would make things better, but alas, made them worse.
I feel drained and confused, and I don’t know if I can keep living like this.
For people that have had things like this happen,
What would you do in my situation?